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Open Poetry #8
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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704


0 posted 2000-07-19 07:33 AM


Angeled skin
    
you lie there

caught in my eye
and
I
paint
word portraits

you’ve made
   your niche inside

me
    I am surprised

I’ve seen hands before
but few
have touched
my shelter

you
     its in the words
   easy-spoken
and gentled eyes

Have you seen
   your own dance
      here
         forced around?
            
Hoped for
needed
I denied

you are my private flood

I am unstemmed
match met
   and made
  you hold your life
over me

with more lift
   and skin
than angels

    I’m graced




[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 07-19-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
1 posted 2000-07-19 07:38 AM


you
     its in the words
   easy-spoken
and gentled eyes

Have you seen
   your own dance
      here
         forced around?
            
Hoped for
needed
I denied

you are my private flood

I am unstemmed

match met
   and made

you hold your life
over me

with more lift
   and skin
than angels

I’m graced

This is simply beautiful and a pleasure to read at this hour in the a.m.  Great write.

Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
2 posted 2000-07-19 07:39 AM


I must echo Marks comments on this one


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2000-07-19 07:54 AM


Kamla~
What a joy to see this little peek
of your grace unfolding ...

'I’ve seen hands before
but few
have touched
my shelter'

Love the fluid thoughts.
~*Marge*~



~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

4 posted 2000-07-19 08:13 AM


SB, this is absolutely gorgeous!!
so beautifully written as always.  

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
5 posted 2000-07-19 08:16 AM



Soft, flowing and graceful. Beautiful work~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2000-07-19 10:49 AM


I’ve seen hands before
but few
have touched
my shelter

I just love this....(there are your dots)  You just have a way of seeing under the skin of things.  You are unique!  I'm so glad!

PS--I'd love to write a poem with you!

ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

7 posted 2000-07-19 11:04 AM


Severn,

awesome tone and appearance to this work ... love it ... more please ...

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
8 posted 2000-07-19 10:59 PM


one day i will
soon
maybe soonest

this style
intrigues
interest piqued
  pride also in you

one day
  you know
I
   will


lol---this is such fun, and would be even more so if i had your "craftability"---hehe (just for you-- i know how your made up words go over..)< !signature-->

Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".  



[This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 07-21-2000).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

9 posted 2000-07-19 11:34 PM


my my my
this is just simply perfection of poetry
my butterfly slipper reflection  
your presentation
shows off the grace of this gem...
and the subtle sensuality of it is perfect as well
wonderful writing Kam,
jm

There are places inside our souls -
that have never been touched.
There are places inside our hearts -
that need to be loved this much.
~jm~

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
10 posted 2000-07-19 11:52 PM


Wonderous

never say never

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
11 posted 2000-07-20 07:54 AM


severn good to see yur happy tones in this one o yuh hope its not fantasy writing ...good happiness for all and yuh!

"Amadeus Amadeus. Amadeus. Amadeus Amadeus. Amadeus. Am Am Amadeus. Come on and rock me Amadeus!"-Falco
"don't even lissen to classical music!"-me

Portia
Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 157

12 posted 2000-07-20 06:40 PM


This is so, so very good. *Good* as in, publishable good. Quarterly journal kind of good. Such strong emotions conveyed here. It puts me in mind of complete, utter obsession, absolute *consumption* of someone, but the angel metaphor puts such a peaceful calm over it, and it is beautiful.
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
13 posted 2000-07-20 08:40 PM


Excellent writing Kamla!  I just loved the unique flow in this poem ... exceptional verse indeed!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
14 posted 2000-07-21 09:20 AM


LK

BRILLIANT

for now

SP

[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-21-2000).]

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
15 posted 2000-07-21 09:25 AM


Perfect


Again


Liz

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
16 posted 2000-07-21 11:28 AM


Oooohh...K  

Me like, me like

especially:

I am unstemmed
match met
   and made
  you hold your life
over me

with more lift
   and skin
than angels

    I’m graced


This is lovely miss, simply lovely.


N

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

17 posted 2000-07-21 08:55 PM


Mark - Thankyou...it is amazing I find how certain poetry can effect you at certain hours of the morning! LOL... (not that I am up reading poetry late at night - oh no...not I...   )

Jeffrey - then I will echo to you my thanks to Mark!  

Marge(y) - thanks hon! Fluid - that is such a complimentary word - it really honours me...

AoL - hush you...hehe...couldn't get a non biased opinion out of you even if I asked - rotf! No, sincerely - thankyou my sweet friend.

BDC -   thankyou for gracing me with your reply.

Martie - ..... ..... I know, I know - I am terrible - moving house, starting uni - excuses excuses - we WILL get there soon! ~K slaps head~ And thanks hon...

MA Miller - ~blush~ I will try to oblige - lol...thankyou...

J - and that one day was kind of yesterday - but don't worry - it will be complete...lol...and love those smilies hey? Here is an   for you and an  

thankyou my friend...

JM - don't know if I have ever taken the time to tell you just how wonderful your replies are my fellow butterflied one...it seems like you put lots of time into them - and I just thought you should know I appreciate it. So thanks  

Paula - why thankyou...that is quite a compliment.  

Li'l bro -   yuh and all ok?

Portia - your faith in my writing...wow...what can I say? Thanks I imagine, but I don't know if that conveys how much this amazes me...hugs

Kit -     thankyou so much....

SP - hehehehheeeee....remember what I know...lol - thanks dear one.

Lizzy - now that word is too much...wow. Shaking head that you could see it this way. Thankyou.

Nic - hon, thanks for stopping by! And thanks for your lovely words!!

K


Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
18 posted 2000-07-22 09:14 PM


YOU'RE graced???? Whoever you wrote this poem for is graced.......which I'm sure must be me! Thank you, wonderful Kamla  
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

19 posted 2000-07-22 10:05 PM


Look 'deer - how many times have I told you we just can't reveal ourselves on here??? The world is simply not ready for us...sigh...too late now..

lol

thankyou muchly my friend, hugs

K

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