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Open Poetry #8
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Michael G
Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 579
Nashville

0 posted 2000-07-19 05:42 AM


That this comes, at a time could not imagine
Nor, what I thought would have become.
This passion yearns; my soul doth happen
To want what future, that I might have one.
With this, fair creature of learned intent,
That, having watched from afar,
And having begun my travel with content
Do so, and see my mind wonder.
To a place where waters have no tide
But move with the grace of the wind,
To find a home, where I begin
That she may be at my side.
    But distance becomes our danger foe,
    My lady, hold my heart so we may go.

© Copyright 2000 Michael G - All Rights Reserved
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
1 posted 2000-07-19 06:22 AM


Michael G,
Your form is good , your imagery compelling , my only critique would be the meter ( de-Dum de-Dum de-Dum de-Dum de-Dum )
I usually count this off on someone elses fingers ( as we moose don't have any ).Good poem .
Doc

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-07-19 08:21 AM


Do so, and see my mind wonder.
To a place where waters have no tide
But move with the grace of the wind,
To find a home, where I begin
That she may be at my side.
    But distance becomes our danger foe,
    My lady, hold my heart so we may go.
==============

you already know how i love these lil beauties...
i dont know how to write em...
dont know about meter and all...
but i do so like the emotions expressed
lovely Michael
later-sonnet-gator
jm

There are places inside our souls -
that have never been touched.
There are places inside our hearts -
that need to be loved this much.
~jm~

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
3 posted 2000-07-19 08:34 AM


Michael*  This is contains such hope and longing.....a beautiful piece.  I, like J.M., don't know a thing about writing these
but I enjoyed it very much~

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