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Open Poetry #8
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us here in velvet
| Open Poetry #8 |
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us here in velvet |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
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swirl of orange mist walls: pale cream & green rise and fade dark brown petals of night crawl in cooling windows i look at the faces soft, peaceful & stoned we drift together in this velvet moment as night falls and no one calls for light outside the rhodedendrons drip with rain upstairs the tv rattles but we are outside its hypnosis dreaming silent we savour the deep contentment of being eyes at peace just touching the moment feeling the mist holding the house, swirling and protecting we lift through and touch the spirit of this cocooning place the course of our many lives led us here tonight & the night is long so many textures & creations still to touch and feel & many friends still to come to rest hearts here in dreams |
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| © Copyright 2000 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Allan~ Velveteen ..... 'we lift through and touch the spirit of this cocooning place' I like the very sound of it. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Lovely read Allan, it's flow hypnotic..well done Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
mmm....wrap me up in this piece naked...what a picture of serenity...(sorry, couldn't resist, grin) but really, very nice, very peaceful scene...so when's the next get-together? |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Marge, Tracie & Serenity... Thank you all... Ah if only it could all happen again... (sigh) We'll have to all arrange it in the next life cycle... I loved what you couldn't resist Serenity... it's a lovely thought. I'm afraid the time the poem is about is long long gone, hidden in a deep purple velveteen mist... 1966 - 1969 very approximately... Oh for a time machine to whisk us back so we could all be there right now!  Okay, tonight everyone find a beautiful quiet place out of doors, light some insence and watch the sun set... Then perhaps we can share a little something of that feeling again, just us, together...  [This message has been edited by allan (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
allan, that is the best idea I've heard all week...let ya know how it turns out...(awesome webpage, btw...) |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thank you serenity... |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
Allan, I simply had to go and find this one and “we believed you would all be gods” after you mentioned them! I really enjoyed this poem! It has some brilliant bits. I love the idea of “dark brown petals of night”, for example. However, I liked the other poem even more (although I wish I hadn’t cheated and read what it was about first!). I think “we believed you would all be gods” is more gripping because it less obvious what you’re talking about. I know this isn’t crit, but I think this poem would be even better if it lost the bits about the tv and being stoned. I'll send you my additional comments in an email, since they might not be “Jugendfrei” (‘scuse the German word, can’t think of an English equivalent  Oh, what about 18 cert??)Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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