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Open Poetry #8
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Sunset Clouds (first attempt at Haiku)
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Sunset Clouds (first attempt at Haiku) |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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Sunset Clouds Golden Sunlit clouds Blend within those ashen proud Sunset beauty vowed Dark Angel July 2000 Yes, I am here, but I am dead, not alive, my body goes on, my spirit has died and I though alive, feel dead inside. "Rose Petal" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
A of L...wow...now, you know that I and haikus do not get on very well...in fact, the last time I tried to write one, the pen ran out of ink and the page actually stood up and walked out in protest (quite a funny sight...)... so I am mightily impressed by this - good use of imagery too hon... (and ok - so it isn't red, but golden, sorry your majesty...  ) K |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
I love Haiku, and this one is beautifully done! Something about Haiku that is so structured, but so free within that structure. You do nice work!!!!!! Paint your words upon the eager waiting canvas of my heart.....~Sunny1~ |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
You must know by now how much I love haikus and senryus, and yours is very well written and thought out. It's just beautiful. It's hard to believe that this is your first haiku, you could have fooled me.  Be proud of yourself, they are challenging to write, and you did a great job!Take care, Melissa Honeybee The beauty of poetry gives me wings to fly |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
DarkAngel~ Ya' did a bang-up job ! Haiku so simple Beauty too in glow of dawn Sunrise beautiful ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
A beautiful "first" it is too... Hope to see more from you in this field. Michael |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Silken Aussie voice surround those golden clouds we are all so wowed... Magnifico! Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
A very good first attempt at that!!!!! You try writing more. Marina It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen Marina Crossley |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
you certainly did a lovely job writing your first haiku enjoyed Rex |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Great job Maree! I still haven't attempted to do one of these. I just may....someday Good color choice to go with it all too! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Hey!! You did great..it's beautiful!  |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Maree, how so few words can evoke such a powerful image blows me away..and you've done it with such grace...*clapping wildly* This is beautiful my friend, just beautiful... < !signature-->*Krista Knutson* "We are not seperate from spirit, we are in it." ~Plotinus~ [This message has been edited by Alwye (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
greetings, fellow Haikuist!! simply love this artform and so heartening to see someone else attempt it this was a brilliant first attempt...i believe you have captured the essence of haiku very well show us more!! |
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Moonshine Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 265Australia |
WOW Maree, this is awesome - short, sweet and so thought provokingly vivid - I feel like I am experiencing it rather than just reading the words. Well done! J. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hey all you wonderful poets Thank you so very much for your lovely replies I enjoyed doing this Haiku and will be definately be trying again Thanks again for your support *hugs* all |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
a most excellently composed haiku. i've never read one that rhymes before. i am thouroughly impressed! like the moon over day, all of my genius is wasted on these fools. -Bowser We all got our demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Ethan, thank you for your lovely reply like the moon over day, all of my genius is wasted on these fools. Loved yours too |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful DarkAngel! You've made this flow like silk! Beautiful and descriptive, nicely penned! Best wishes, /Kit |
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