navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #8 » Pick a title-you may find this humourous
Open Poetry #8
Post A Reply Post New Topic Pick a title-you may find this humourous Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

0 posted 2000-06-27 04:25 PM


Don't Go There My Dear
         or
Fathers Nightmare
        or
A Daddy's Dilemma
        or
Not NO, But Hell NO
        or
????????

My dear you'll turn my hair gray - if down there you stray,
By taking chances you'll pay - so don't go there my dear.

I'm plagued by great fear- I've seen how men leer,
Even witnessed them cheer - so please my dear won't you stay.

They only go there to play - I've heard lots of folks say,
It's just a  roll in the hay - so don't go there my dear.

They all smell of stale beer - you'll not find any good cheer,
No wine and cheese here - don't even think about it that way.

There have no more dragons to slay - most of them are happy not gay,
The dangers you must weigh - so don't go there my dear.

Please don't turn a deaf ear -Your friends will not sneer -
I beg of you to stay clear - I feel I'm beginning to bray

They look at you as their prey - the coveted trophy of the day,
Just another prize lay - So please don't go there my dear.


© Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
1 posted 2000-06-27 04:30 PM


Does this fit into a particular style??
not exactly a sonnett, nor a lymric

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2000-06-27 04:32 PM


I like to answer that but "don't go there my dear."
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
3 posted 2000-06-27 05:28 PM


I knew I should have said "and don't say don't go there"....lol
jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



JulieAnn
Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754
Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!!
4 posted 2000-06-27 05:45 PM


You need a title....well I have been thinking and I think "innocent prey" or maybe just like it says...."don't go there"
just a couple of suggestions...but very interesting poetry nonetheless....

By the way welcome to passions please enjoy your saty as much as I have been....

Julie :)



Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2000-06-27 05:46 PM


I would say, but I can't stay,
my daddy said "don't go there..."

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ


Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
6 posted 2000-06-27 06:05 PM


Thanks for the feedback...
BTW this poem came about as a direct result of a conversation with a fellow firefighter who has a son the same age as my daughter.
He posed the rhetorical situation of what happens when they want to go to some of the same place we went to as young adults knowing what we know about them...I couldn;t help but use the phrase "don't go there"..
the double entendre simply enticed me too much.. thanks again

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Colin
Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596
Callington, Cornwall, England
7 posted 2000-06-27 07:24 PM


yup, it was a fun poem, you were right  

Eric.

"We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka.

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
8 posted 2000-06-27 07:33 PM


Prometheus,

Nice poem with a good lesson in there.  It was a fun read too!!  Hmmm . . . have you considered Hidden Dangers?  Just a suggestion.  Liked this one a lot.  

Lone Wolf


Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.
--William Wordsworth

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
9 posted 2000-06-27 07:46 PM


If you say don't
then I won't
but really I will
so just be still

It is sure hard being a parent sometimes...Enjoyed your poem!

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
10 posted 2000-06-27 08:23 PM


Thanks for all the suggestions!
I think though I will go with my first instinct and stay with the present title.
It was a fun way to deal with a super scary (to a Dad) subject. ps all girls 14-17 are hereby grounded...lol

thanks again
jamie



Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
11 posted 2000-06-28 03:14 AM


Jamie,

Whats a dad to do? Would I want my kid to do what I did? HELL no...but how else do they learn? Dont go there....but if you do take me too.

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
12 posted 2000-06-28 01:15 PM


Well my dad would've said......"Don't go
there...BECAUSE I SAID SO"  My daughter is 9
and I'm dreading the day I have to say any
of this...I may just lock her in her room
because if she is a bit like me....OH HELL
NO!!!  

Gemini
Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203
Wisconsin, USA
13 posted 2000-06-28 01:34 PM


I can hear a little echo of my dad and big brother in here, very well written, I also am dreding this day when my kids grow up.
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
14 posted 2000-06-30 04:09 PM


Paula, Butterfly who uses baby shampoo, and  Gemini,,
It will probably turn out that we have Hobson's Choice in the matter anyway, which is of course none. All we can do is Teach and Trust. Thanks
jamie

Tanga
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39
BC Canada
15 posted 2000-07-02 05:17 AM


Hell no, don't go there is daddy's nightmare.
Right on! Hugss <**>

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
16 posted 2000-07-02 05:22 AM


Lol...this is great!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie


"Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #8 » Pick a title-you may find this humourous

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary