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Open Poetry #8
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To the Stranger in the Mall
| Open Poetry #8 |
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To the Stranger in the Mall |
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Tennessee Angel Senior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 661Tennessee |
*Needs a little work, I know. Would welcome any input. Thanks  To the Stranger in the Mall "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." --Henry David Thoreau I walked by you yesterday and though we've never met, I saw something in your eyes that I won't soon forget. The windows to your soul gave a very clear view of a dark, wretched pain buried deep within you. Loneliness clung to you like a second skin and a while later I crossed your path again. I had stopped to eat and couldn't help but think, how awful you must feel to drown yourself in drink. I wonder did you lose your job...or possibly your wife? Something must have happened to bring you to this point in life. Maybe you never married...one of many things you've never done. Maybe you are no one's father, but you are surely someone's son. Even now when I think of you...I can't help but cry. For I know...There, but for the grace of God, go I. --You can either take me as I am...or you can watch me as I go.-- [This message has been edited by Tennessee Angel (edited 06-27-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stacy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
No way to improve it in my eyes!! Very good.  |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I have to agree with deVine on this one. . . this is excellent. . . I've always wondered about the people that I see from time to time. . .what are their stories?. . . where do they come from?. . . and things like that. . . You've captured that very well here. . . wonderful!! ------------------------------------------------------ That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
I agree with the others, I like it the way it is. God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
A very good piece of both writing and observation. Except for the drinking there goes I...lol |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
Tennessee Angel, this is excellent just as it is. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
There is something here that has touched me... cannot quite pin it down though. Nicely done, very nicely done.  Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Tennessee Angel, since this one comes from your heart, there need not be any change to the poem. It is a well written poem, which provokes the start of a thought process...Nice work. If only I would change one thing, it would be the first line...I wouls start with: "I walked by you yesterday and though we've never met" ...only because you say "I crossed your path again" later on - in line 6... don't think this as criticism of any kind...the poem is a very well-meaning one... I loved these lines: Maybe you never married...one of many things you've never done. Maybe you are no one's father, but you are surely someone's son. Regards, sudhir< !signature--> Death, be not proud, though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; - John Donne [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 06-27-2000).] |
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Tennessee Angel Senior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 661Tennessee |
Poet deVine -- Thank you so much for always being so thoughtful in your responses. Sven -- Thank you muchly for taking the time to respond. It means a lot because I have become a big fan of your work. EagleOne -- I appreciate you reading my piece and I am glad that you enjoyed it. Prometheus -- Thanks a bunch!! Elois -- Thank you so much for your kind response. JP -- I am glad that something in this piece touched you. I think that is one of the hopes of all poets. Thank you! Sudhir --- Thank you for not only reading but taking the time to help me make it a better piece. As soon as I read your suggestion I knew that you were right. It's something that I should have caught. Such a small change can make a big difference in the way it reads. I did go back and change it so thank you!! By the way, I absolutely love everything you post here. You have such a talent for conveying emotion!! --You can either take me as I am...or you can watch me as I go.-- |
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