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Open Poetry #8
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peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202


0 posted 2000-06-22 10:29 PM


I don't normally post in this forum due to the incredible nature of the work here...mine simply can't compare.  However, I'm just a kid looking for some constructive criticism on how to improve my writing. :.) Thanks a bunch!
                                              Vreni



Forgotten Soldiers


In the fields they lie, in their graves
Valiantly they fought, atrocities braved
In sparse memories their images appear
Though they smelled blood, knew true fear.
They are forgotten, they are the dead
Those with cries unheard, words unsaid.

Patriotically they sacrificed for the Ideal
The weary rest now, the wounds have healed
Posthumously toward eternity they now file
No longer enemies to combat, to out-wile.
But they are forgotten, they are the dead
The public moves on, sees the survivors instead.

They watched comrades fall, heard battle cries
Saw their enemies, and looked them in the eye
Seasoned soldiers, and those that were  boys
Indiscriminate by nature does death destroy
But they are forgotten, they are the dead
They are those of whom you've never read.

No honors or medals hang from their chests
No victory cheers can erupt from their breast
They perished for our nation, their chance forsaken
To return to their homes, in their beds awaken.
But they are forgotten, they are the dead.
Remember them now, cry their tears unshed.

© Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
1 posted 2000-06-25 07:48 AM


Vreni, I know they are not forgotten by there mothers and fathers, the wifes and the lovers, their children and all those that loved them.
I have three sons and I hope to God that they never have to experience the sorrow of war...in many cases it is teenagers and young men in their early twenties who are called  to fight and die.
Excellent writing...I only have good words for you...if you are looking for criticism I suggest you post in Critical Analysis.   James

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