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Open Poetry #8
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Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209


0 posted 2000-06-22 09:33 AM


a glass jar of sweets
on the cabinet now sits
a brand too expensive
to be bought by me
tidbits of her
where she knew I would see

a card in your nightstand
addressed to you
unsigned of course
no need
just a friend you say
tidbits of her
yes indeed

a new shirt hanging
in your closet I find
no tags
no receipt
tidbits of her
where she ought not to be

a phone call late
clicks closed
when footsteps intrude
wrong number
you say
tidbits of her
stealing moments from me

car trouble you claim
as the clock winds into the morn
perfumed remainders
indiscretions unfold
gaping mouth won’t close
disbelief enfolds
your collar indelibly inscribed
rose colored
tidbits of her
I wish I could
unsee


© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2000-06-22 11:22 AM


OH GIRL----
C, this one is awesome...
man, your wrote this with a bleeding pen my friend...
I know how bad this feels..and you wrote it out to the letter...
and with your usual edge...and grace
take care, please
jm

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
2 posted 2000-06-22 11:26 AM


this is just too good! ok, but how do you do this??? LOL... You must live in my head!! hehe

this is really a fine piece of work, m'friend.. loved these lines below, especially... your style is pounding, honest,  with an cutting edge that hits so hard... i feel every bit of this...

great work!


"tidbits of her
stealing moments from me"

"car trouble you claim
as the clock winds into the morn
perfumed remainders
indiscretions unfold
gaping mouth won’t close
disbelief enfolds
your collar indelibly inscribed
rose colored
tidbits of her
I wish I could
unsee "

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

3 posted 2000-06-22 12:44 PM


thanks you two, am glad you enjoyed....
both of you, your comments always touch me  

Jan
Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 114

4 posted 2000-06-22 01:17 PM


This is so honest and insightful.  It takes so much strength to see.  Your writing is amazing.
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
5 posted 2000-06-22 04:21 PM


My mouth agape, all I could utter is a "WOW"...
How did that happen? you may ask
Your words made me feel that way, thats how...

regards to you, Corazon,
sudhir.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee,
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

- John Donne

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

6 posted 2000-06-22 04:58 PM


what a nice compliment jan thank you

sudhir, you always are so kind..thank you much  

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
7 posted 2000-06-22 06:44 PM


This is so powerful and emotional Corazon!  Left me feeling the pain myself ... really excellent writing here!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

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