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Open Poetry #8
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Abstain
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Abstain |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
Heaven of gold Hell of fire I live life on an Abstain wire Surrounded by Lies Of a darkened Heart Diverged away Not Playing my part. I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul |
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| © Copyright 2000 E'Val - All Rights Reserved | |||
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Interesting format, I liked this short..to the point...good'un JJ  ~Heather |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
short yet so very thought provoking, particularly, the last few lines... Of a darkened Heart Diverged away Not Playing my part. Makes an interesting read, Jeremiah... Regards, sudhir |
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demoninlove Member
since 2000-02-11
Posts 211Dehradun |
You leave a lot for the reader to ponder about Jeremiah! Succintly but powerfully writ. Just the essence of the thought! Have you tried your hand at Haiku? I think you would be able to do justice to the rigid rules of that type of poetry. To express the emotion or thought in 16 syllables needs depth which you have got. Deepak |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Very interesting read, J.J.! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Jeremiah, as always im impressed by how much you compact in just a few lines of thought...this comes across as sad to me..to live life refraining from doing the things you like...i will probably be "diverged away" too  ditto deepak's comments...i believe you will do well with Haiku...hmmm,except that haiku consists of 17 syllables(5-7-5 syllable count) looking 4ward to ur attempt,Jeremiah |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
~ Captivating poem here Jeremiah ~ Coco |
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jennie may* Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 122 |
I like your poems- short, yet with much impact. keek crankin' them out. "I feel like there are these territories within us that are totally unknown. And if we don't enter those in art...then I don't understand the point in |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Jeremiah, What powerful words you write. This was great writing my friend. You speak volumes to me. Lone Wolf Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility. --William Wordsworth |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
very cool poem...cryptic with an edge perfect rhyme..read lyrically..melodic very cool line.... "I live life on an Abstain wire" excellent jm What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly ~LaoTzeTao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Kellsue Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 210Waukesha, WI USA |
Very well done...really makes you think! I liked how something so short said so much! ~Kelly ~Kellsue Reflect upon your present blessings-of which every man has many-not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ~Charles Dickens We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill |
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