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rene
Member

since 2000-04-24

Posts 113

0 posted 2000-06-18 08:55 PM

1st witness of death
the day dissected into hours,
seconds
drip onto the floor like swollen bulbs of wine

Soft patter a million toughts
in walking

How brakes screamed
your child is not yet dead but dying still

She slipped on seconds
all so small but now so daer
and was thrown into the air

[This message has been edited by rene (edited 06-18-2000).]

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

1 posted 2000-06-18 10:56 PM

great poem i like the ending the best were she dies and goes to heaven and the imagery you use to create it. good job

I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-06-19 06:16 AM

"She slipped on seconds
all so small but now so dear"

You've captured the stark reality of time very well here Rene ... very sad, but well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

rene
Member

since 2000-04-24

Posts 113

3 posted 2000-06-19 07:25 PM

it's not really about her going to heaven. it is about a car accident i saw when i was about eleven and the girl was actually thrown about ten feet into the air, it's always suck in my mind the way she flew like a crash test dummy or something, it is the most surreal thing i have ever seen, she didn't look like a girl at all.

X Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-11-07

Posts 1521
Oregon

4 posted 2000-06-19 08:32 PM

YIKES! When I was about 12 or 13 I saw my best friend's father have a head on collision with a car (he was on a motorcycle...to this day I refuse to ride a motorcycle!)
This was very realistic..

~Heather

X Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-11-07

Posts 1521
Oregon

5 posted 2000-06-19 08:33 PM

oopsie

[This message has been edited by X Angel (edited 06-19-2000).]

Jan
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 114

6 posted 2000-06-19 09:05 PM

Oops, my laptop freaked out!!

[This message has been edited by Jan (edited 06-19-2000).]

Jan
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 114

7 posted 2000-06-19 09:06 PM

I felt like I was standing at the curb watching. I was riveted.

Jan
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 114

8 posted 2000-06-19 09:07 PM

I was riveted. It felt like I was standing on the curb watching.

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