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Open Poetry #8
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i saw her in the rain
| Open Poetry #8 |
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i saw her in the rain |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Rain fell in whispered words Upon the woman's head. I'm not sure what was said. The pooled cloth of her dress. She knelt in the wet grass Under a sky of glass. The rain spoke in tones, it fell In notes we could never try. It made me want to cry. She didn't. She nodded, arms out, Rain beading on her face, Glistening, sullen with grace. Then she opened her eyes of water. Her skin was smooth-veined stone, Her dress the grass that shone. I ran up through the rain to touch her. She was gone, if ever there. Not even a mark she'd dare. As I walked back through the rain In gray outlines of the real, I wondered what I should feel. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Rain fell in whispered words Upon the woman's head. I'm not sure what was said. The pooled cloth of her dress. She knelt in the wet grass Under a sky of glass. The rain spoke in tones, it fell In notes we could never try. It made me want to cry. -------------- I ran up through the rain to touch her. She was gone, if ever there. Not even a mark she'd dare. As I walked back through the rain In gray outlines of the real, I wondered what I should feel. ------------ well i feel giddy ...and satisfied... i could get use to this... even expect it (lol) love the weekends of inspiration.. love this cryptic,softly haunting poem perfect imagery, always later-ghost-poet-gator jm/bs It's amazing How you make your face just like a wall How you take your heart and turn it off How I turn my head and you lose it all ... And it's unnerving (How one move just puts me by myself) There you go just trusting someone else (Now I know I put us both through hell) ... I'm not sayin That there was nothing wrong (I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me) And I'm not sayin (We ever had the right to hold on) (I just didn't wanna let you get away from me) ~MB20~ She says baby, It's 3AM ... I must be lonely, When she says baby, Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes, Says the rains gonna wash away I believe it. ~MB20~ |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Wow bsquirrel! What a tale! It reminded me of the song about flowers in her hair, flowers everywhere...very nicely done. Elizabeth I'm grabbing my hat and coat I'm leaving the cat a note Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
J.M., I like how you wrote that "I could get used to this, even expect it." It makes me smile.  <-- See? Anyway, I think rereading the Lord of the Rings is the major influence of my two poems today. Lots and lots of nature. And of course it's a little cryptic -- do you think I'd be a squirrel if I weren't squirrely? Elizabeth, Very glad you enjoyed. And now that you mention it, it does have that sort of "flowers in her hair" vibe. Mike |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Much of this is haunting, I think through the use of unexpected images - like: Glistening, sullen with grace. (love this) The pooled cloth of her dress. She knelt in the wet grass Under a sky of glass. and the way that is interwoven is superb. Well done squirrel. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Mike~ This is so amazing, the rain chilled and the image haunted~ What a weave this was!! This is my favorite of yours to date, Thank you for sharing this~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
well then if your smiling ... Im smiling see-->  like to make my sweet squirrel smile ... and so does this mean I can expect it...  ahhh a butterfly slipper can wish cant she later squirrely-gator me |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Nice poem.I like this one |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Bsquirrel~ I loved the images this brought to mind, the rain.....ahhhh! -SEA |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
First of all, I loved the title! Secondly, this was really awesome in a strange sort of way. I loved all the images, but then for her to disappear, was amazing. What a heartwrenching twist that made this all the sweeter! I'm just not sure WHAT to feel from this, but I liked it alot! |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Some very powerful images in here and really good lines. Enjoyed much! Thanks for posting. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I'm glad you all enjoyed -- this seems to be one of my more popular poems I've posted so far, probably because it's not as bizarrely tangled and intricate as some of my others. This is about as mainstream as I get, though -- swallow while you can. And I say that not with smugness, just with truth. Thanks for reading. Mike |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
What a vision....and this is as mainstream as you get, eh? And Dali used to sleep with pad and pencil, in order to more swiftly capture his dreams...much love to you, Mike. You make me think and grow. [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 06-19-2000).] |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Hauntingly beautiful Mike! A lovely mystical feel about this poem ... really well done! Best wishes, /Kit |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
I liked this hauntingly beautiful poem..very visual as well. Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks everyone, for responding so favorably to this poem. You've made this my most popular poem to date. So again, thanks. Mike |
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