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Open Poetry #8
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~ Become my Breath ~
| Open Poetry #8 |
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~ Become my Breath ~ |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas 
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~ Become my Breath ~ inspired by Brian Madden A twisting in my soul I gasp for air The nothingness envelops my heart Like a suffocating plastic squeezed tight around my mind. I flail about not knowing what to do I'd scream if only I had one breath left with which to do so... My heart & mind now lifelessly limp. With one last quiver, my soul turns to leave But you reach out your hand And embrace my existance closing your palm gently around my soul. You become my breath - my eyes The empty swirling waters cough me up Into your arms - salvation. You hold me there cradled peacefully in your arms, I do breathe. -poetFemme June 10, 2000 * A big thank you to Brian, although he doesn't know he's been an inspiration. I've spent a great deal of time tonight becoming familiar with his style, as it intrigues me. I've never been much good with metaphors, and so I decided to try a style somewhat similar to his. I must admit, his writing puts my efforts to shame, but I will certainly practice! Thank you sir for opening my eyes to something new!  I found your footsteps to be challenging, and yet refreshing to my pen.  "Fantasies enrich our lives to the fullest, but true satisfaction comes from creating your own story in the real world! Live out your fantasies & make a storybook with beautiful pictures for the world to enjoy! -poetFemme |
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| © Copyright 2000 Gennifer David - All Rights Reserved | |||
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
this poem is really really good! |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Gen, You amaze me  No matter what style you attempt you always seem to master it on the first try. How do you do it? ( I'm sitting here in complete and utter awe ) All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678 |
Oh I do believe you have done quite well PFF...Quite well indeed It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
oh inspiration..lil' me. thanks glad I could inspire, you do realise everyone is now going to be jealous of me I going to have to watch my back from now on. LOL. Wow Poetf.f, I agree with Jeff. amazing. You put me to shame, a stunning poem. You stole my breath with this one. A twisting in my soul I gasp for air The nothingness envelops my heart Like a suffocating plastic squeezed tight around my mind. I flail about not knowing what to do I'd scream if only I had one breath left with which to do so... My heart & mind now lifelessly limp. ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. manic street preachers "Culture Alienation Borebom and Despair" "I know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing" -faster MSP "And you see, I kind of shiver to conformity Did you see, the way I cower to authority, you see And my life, it's a series of compromises anyway It's a sham, and I'm conditioned to accept it all, you see" six by Paul Draper. ----- |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
hey girl.. this kicks butt!! lol very different style for you, but you took on the self imposed challenge with your usual grace and hunger... very cool poem... love the ending emotions gosh, your just so good at this... hmmm.... must mean your a poet huh? and I love seeing when another poets work evokes us to try new things and inspire us Brian has done that many times for me now ... though he is modest and very giving he has taught me much in the several pieces we have written together. thanks Bri...(alas...i knew I wouldnt have you to myself forever) *smile* later-poet-gators love ya jm And it's good that I'm not angry, I just need to get over, I'm not angry, anymore Cry when you cry, run when you run, love when you love, represent the ashes that you leave behind ~MB20~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Wow,...this here piece is both gripping and powerful. Loved it. You do this well. Truly a wonderful piece of poetry. Take care. *Peace. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Breath-taking PoetFemme ... this has a lovely flow and feel, you've done this very well! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
~PFF no matter what style you write with you always produce something stunning. and this little beauty is no exception. i think sir brian has inspried all of us at one time or another with his beautiful writing. but you know what girl? you have inspired me. i think i shall try a new writing style as well. thanks much and take care. amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
 Thanks to all of you! You're all very sweet! My head is getting almost as big as Christophers! To Brian - - Thanks sir for allowing my usage of a few metaphors, but you sir, will always be the God of metaphors! I couldn't even come close! You know, I sat here last night, reading half a dozen poems from you, and each one left me absolutely amazed at the fabulous imagery and dazzling metaphors! (Pearls for eyes) Ahhhh.....I struggled a bit with this. Almost every line you write has something magical in it, but this was all I could cough up for a first try. Thanks so much again! To Janet - - ROFLMAO I didn't "take" him away from you girl, I just borrowed his style for awhile...it's very chic! LOL You can have him back I suppose!  (reluctantly giving him back) I just hadn't really got to read much of his until last night, and I just couldn't get enough! To Amy - - Very cool! You go girl!  Thanks again for the constant support you always give! I love you all! -pFF |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
pFF, Nice poem for trying Brian's style. I think you about got it on this one. It is always fun and challenging to stretch ourselves and try something new. Good job. LW Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
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