This seems exceptional stuff. I need time to look at it more closely, but I do have some early thoughts. i Hope you find them of some use.
First, One of the things that many of the writes on this site have trouble with is keeping things concrete. I was absolutely thrilled to see in this poem you keep things very concrete indeed. The poem is filled with objects and people in great detail. You are extraordinarily good with visual detail.
You have trouble in dealing with the flashback; getting into it is a bit awkward, especially. I would try keeping the whole poem in present tense. When it comes time for the flashback, you might them try something on the order of
Thirty years ago
The speaker is sandal footed
Brown hair to the waist
Or whatever other color you want. If you say long hair to the waist, you're simply giving away space to offer another useful detail, the color; then, once you say "to the waist" the reader will have a chance to make up his or her own mind as to whether the hair is long or not. Playing with past and future tenses is something we can do in poetry when there's a great reason for it. Otherwise, most people experience the world as a "now" experience, and the shifts from future and past in the compressed space of a poem sometimes can be awkward. I'll bet you had some trouble over that flashback. Maybe not. Whatever works for you of course is best.
I'd play with using the first line as the title and cutting it entirely from the text, starting with the second line. Stopping just short of flashy needs to be cut. It's a repeat of what's said in the line above it. Perhaps also,
"Fingers expertly painted,
Rouge evenly applied
Atop blue-veined backhands"
should that make any sense to you.
I'd consider beginning the next stanza with
"To men in three piece suits...
In an attempt to make
One hair cover the entire head...
They read poems of butterflies
And lost loves.
The elipses are to suggest the text between as written, not an excission of that text. The point of shifting the women reading the poems to the end is not to lose them, and to give a sense of the male ego they are trying to deal with here.
Anyway, that's about as far as I can go this evening. If you find it useful, I give it another shot try tomorrow or so. I like this one a lot. I'm glad you've been experimenting with this stuff since 2000. The problem with free verse is always for me, without the structure, how do you know when you're done, how do you go about building your own sense of closure and how do you find the thread to carry you through, beginning to end. What about you, Balladeer? Affectionately, BobK.