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jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2001-01-09 03:23 PM


Kind of a DD style poem, in the essence of form... Hope you like it because I know my last few sucked. Enjoy.

"Materialist's Nightmare"

In your own hell,
With a broken phone.
A frightful dream,
It has no tone!

A demise of hi-tech,
No clicker to be found.
What can you do with,
A TV without sound?

Among awful visions,
To travel without a car.
That’s out of query,
And no alcohol at the bar!

Flaming dreams,
Hurt your aspirin head.
A world without drugs,
Leaves your joy dead.

The boiling red devil,
Takes all you need 'most'.
And the good-hearted god,
Leaves you with cosmos.

A lesson is to learn,
Of materials and needs.
Making us possessive,
They’re our black seeds.


J.D. Raulinaitis  1/09/01

< !signature-->

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde



[This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-09-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-01-09 03:29 PM


Hmm... a poem taking a shot at our need for material things.  Your views are interesting.
"The boiling red devil,
Takes all you need “most”.
And the good-hearted god,
Leaves you with cosmos."
I'm not sure if this statement is a spiteful one toward the good-hearted god or not, considering how poorly you speak of materials in the poem, is it an act of kindness to leave you with only the cosmos?  Or are you saying that good and bad both result in disappointment?  This part stumped me.  Or... was the open-endedness of this statement your intent?
Great poem, and an interesting idea for a theme.  My favourite of yours so far, Jeremy.


[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 01-09-2001).]

LoveBug
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-01-09 03:39 PM


This is a really good piece. It's amazing to think of how much we depend on these material things to get though... I love the style, it suits you well.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
3 posted 2001-01-09 03:41 PM


I think that this god is trying to show us how much we don't need these materials and how we can be more free and not have to think about all these "things" we have. Im certainly not being spiteful towards the god, but maybe a materialist might be mean towards the devil for taking away these things that they desire. I think that if the god leaves us with nature, then we should be happy and not need these technological materials. Thanks for raising questions.
~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
4 posted 2001-01-09 08:16 PM


It is hard for me to imagine life without so material things, I wonder how well I'd do?  Anyway, good job on this one

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-01-09 09:33 PM


Nice one jer. I liked this one a lot. Materialist's.....blah......They need some lessons in life.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
6 posted 2001-01-10 05:34 AM


This is Soooooooooooooooo (i think you get the picture...)  true...  as a female, it is generalised that we can't do without things that are really of no need, like a hairdryer...  the good ol' generalisation that a girl can't go anywhere without it...  I don't even own one, let alone use one...  We live in a materialistic world when you think about it...  I mean where would we be without our computers??  Not here that's for sure...  we rely on them for sooo much that it has become a way of life, but really they are not necessary...  We have jsut come to rely on them...  We can live without them, but we just choose not to...

Does that make sense to anyone cause I am confused...  I don't know what I just said...

Gotta go now and work out what I just said!!

GREAT poem Jeremy...

Loved it!!

Melz!!

Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
7 posted 2001-01-10 04:24 PM


going to a private all girls school i have ecountered many materalist(ie the WHOLE school). I sorta become a matertalist when I first went there, so I could be popular and fit in. And then my bestfriend called me a spoiled bratt, so i woke up and now I know we all need things to an extent but all those extras are nice, but its the obession with them thats not good.
Jeremy I really enjoyed this poem. It brought back memories of me being a bratt, i still am..lol. each verse brought out another thing about materialists.
well sorry this was long but I got alot to say and so little time to say it
Regina
GREAT JOB!

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
8 posted 2001-01-10 11:03 PM


thanks to everyone...
i really enjoyed reading your detailed responses
im glad you can all relate cuz i know I can

~JDR  

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

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