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Teen Poetry #3
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brendon2k
Junior Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 38
none

0 posted 2001-01-04 04:55 PM


frozen...in a...world
somewhere...in your...eyes
-
had enough to say
that i've lost you
said i threw away
thoughts were stolen
all the times you
have left me empty
this time i'm trying
-
i'm...lying...broken
-
and i seem too
captivated that
sight is lost now
ever since you
now you push me
-
falling...to the...ground
-
easy opposed to
-
picking...myself up
-
blind enough to see
how you hurt me
don't care enough to leave
know you can't change
-
leave me hopeless
looking forward to
this time torn apart
an apologie...
-
you could...never...get

© Copyright 2001 none - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-01-04 05:06 PM


This is such a sad and deep poem. Some people find it hard to believe that you can still love someone who hurts you, but it's easy. The thing that isn't easy is loving yourself more and doing what's in your best interest. Thanks for sharing.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



HiddenSparklez
Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada
2 posted 2001-01-04 05:15 PM


I love your beginning, I couldn't stop reading it after the first 2 lines! Great poem!
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2001-01-04 05:30 PM


Well written.
As lovebug said, it really is easy to love somebody who hurts you a lot.  One of my theories on love is that it allows you to feel great extremes of hatred as well as love toward the individual, that if somebody you love does something to you, it hurts far more than if somebody you hate does.  Of course, this is rather obvious.  Just thought I'd mention it.
Good poem.  I can't wait to read more of your work in the future.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-01-04 07:32 PM


This formatting was quite different and added a great punch into the poem. Nice one here.


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
5 posted 2001-01-04 09:16 PM


i loved the pauses and starts of the poem...
...it created suspense and I looked forward to the next line
great post and keep'em coming
best wishes

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
6 posted 2001-01-05 12:05 PM


I liked the beginning as well, great job on the poem

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

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