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Teen Poetry #3
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Virgil
Junior Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 43
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2001-01-01 03:18 PM


Lost Judgment

The first son, filled with honor, courage and valor,
Straps on his sword, and takes up multiple posts.
Soon to be soaked with the blood of numerous men;
His legend grows quickly, like many a well-known ghost.

The second son, filled with humility and mildness,
Keeps at home, where his family dost stay.
He tends to them, in the midst of this war,
And is mocked for his cowardly way.

The first son goes off and conquers the world,
He beats back enemies where'er they hide.
He saves many a city, in the name of God,
With e'ry battle fought, he swells further with pride.

The second son sits by the old, sick father,
Slowly nursing him back into health.
Running the house, and schooling the children;
The first son too free to offer no help.

But on Judgment Day, the first shall taste fear,
For God divides from actions; not birth.
On this day, the brave shall suffer damnation-
And the meek shall inherit the Earth.

© Copyright 2001 Joe Longpre - All Rights Reserved
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
1 posted 2001-01-01 04:29 PM


This one had very nice rhyme and I could follow along very easily and I liked the story. Thanks for the post bud!

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-01-01 09:06 PM


This is a wonderful piece. I love the message that it brings, and your style is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-01-02 12:00 PM


This was so damn amazing. I loved it. Great poem.......raw talent...wow...nice



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
4 posted 2001-01-02 03:35 PM


I like your style of writing, it seems to carry a power with it.  Nice job here

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
5 posted 2001-01-02 04:26 PM


wow!it was amazing it had a story. lots of power! great!
Regina

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
6 posted 2001-01-02 05:25 PM


all I can do is offer a smile   Great!!

~*Rhonda

"I am Canadian" - Joe
If you set limitations upon yourself, it's no wonder you fall short of your dreams - Rhonda J. Adolph

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