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Teen Poetry #3
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peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202


0 posted 2000-12-30 06:29 PM


< sigh >
Vreni

Burning Walls

Light the match, crash and burn,
Forget yourself, hide concern.
Build it up, brick by brick,
Knock it down, oh so quick.
Close the door, lock it tight,
Pull the blinds, out of sight.
Smile eyes but crying fear
Silent mouth just lying here.
Cyclic time, round and round,
Crazy child’s lost and found.
Mortar added, caulk the cracks,
Run on through, leave no tracks.
Guard the gate, halt the flow,
Curtain down, stop the show.
Light the match, crash and burn.
Blunder on, you’ll never learn.




[This message has been edited by peanogrl83 (edited 12-30-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
1 posted 2000-12-30 09:46 PM


wow!it was great!the rythming and words flowed so well. alot more ppl should read it.
Regina

branden726
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
2 posted 2000-12-30 09:49 PM


Words ive never heard have never sounded so good thats probably cuz its the first time i heard them and even tho i dont know what they mean its a great poem flowed great.

"i just love when you bring your whole crew because its just a bigger piece of cake for me to chew threw"



Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2000-12-30 11:00 PM



  VRENI!!! You are so gifted. I completely lost myself within these lines, its like someone was reading them to me from some other realm...so good, so good...

   ~Carly

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
4 posted 2000-12-30 11:15 PM


nice meter... this one was really well written!

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2000-12-31 02:17 AM


jer is hooked on meter tonight.
anyway.....nice one vreni, same style as "Loser"......MUA.....very good.....you deserve a pat on the back......*wink*......hehe bye!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2000-12-31 09:17 AM


Well done Vreni!  Loved the perfect rhythm and flow in this ... great work!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-01-01 08:19 PM


Vreni ---  Don't even ask me what i think    You should already know

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


~sugarpie313~
Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA
8 posted 2001-01-01 08:55 PM


i am absolutely in love with this poem!!!
you are so talented, words just flow and the image it creates is so vivid. if only we could all write like you, but then it'd be boring... LOL NICE JOB!!!!!

*...Remember your roots, my friend they're right down below, because heroes come and heroes go...* - Creed

peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202

9 posted 2001-01-02 11:28 AM


Thanks to all who replied.....once again, unfounded compliments!!!!

Dopey....um, a pat on the back? whatever for? Am I choking or something? lol ;.P

acire -For the love of pickles, stop making me blush w/ your responses to my work....and the same can be said for what I think of my work...(all know my views... lol)

Sugar- dear, I do not consider myself talented, far from it. There are many many more poets in this forum much more talented than I.  

Vreni

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
10 posted 2001-01-02 03:20 PM


Nicely done, this is written well.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

11 posted 2001-01-02 03:32 PM


The meter actually is really good in this one.  You are talented and very humble.

Jason

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

Pixie-Babe03
Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387
Central Maine
12 posted 2001-01-02 06:07 PM


the flow in this poem is PERFECT i love it    you ahev a lot of talent  
~*Justine*~

Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
13 posted 2001-01-02 06:31 PM


I like this! I don't know what else to say, but I LIKE THIS!!!   Great work!
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