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Teen Poetry #3
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Empty in Your Absence
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Empty in Your Absence |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Paralyzed in time I search for myself behind parapets of stone that I built long ago Without ever knowing what I held in my hands And in the hysteria I only find heaven in your words Sanity and peace in your presence Through you I touch stars and shape oceans of blossoming years and fallen tears Then we're back again to a reality where distance holds you and I do not Angel 12.28.00 |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
I love this poem! Especially the last line "Then we're back to reality/where distance holds you and i do not". Because throughout the whole poem the reader believes the person you're talking about is there, but in the end he/she's not. I love that lil' twist at the end! |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
I kinda caught on, I liked this one a lot, keep writing! ~JDR "A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
wonderful dark enchantress. You grasp of words is astonishing, and the way you put them together shows such continuity. I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I like the ending (I don't know... I think I have a thing for endings today)!  I dunno. Through the poem I was like, 'okay, don't totally understand this...' then I got to the end "Then we're back again/to a reality/where distance holds you/and I do not" and I'm like, 'ooohhhh! Now I get it!' I love the way you put the whole thing together. Just love it! ~*Skyfire |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Oooohhh I loved it!! Welcome to my library!! ~Carly WhY ShOuLd I Be hypnotized by someone else's lies WhY ShOuLd I Take time and pride in what someone else believes... |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one, i thought this was nice. The ending was captivating........a pleasure to read.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Interesting, sad, deep. I liked it. Keep it up. xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Beautifully written=) The poem hits home, it definately does...but then I found out I was totally disillusioned by him *sigh* anyways I can hardly wait to read more of your poetry, you have a true talent, truly amazing trust me Love, Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Beautiful work, the images you create in my mind are beautiful and radiant!! Good job!! Melz!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
You did a really good job of writing this one, I like how it's done! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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GirlsBestFriend Member
since 2000-12-27
Posts 71Planet Earth |
anything left for me to add? good job! waiting to read more lots of luv "Isn't it funny how to the world you are nothing? But then to one person..you're the world" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
This is an amazing piece of work... i LOVED reading this..esp out loud(love how it sounds and the meaning is outstanding)...beautiful emotions and way you written this...wOW! definitly one of my fav from you [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 09-08-2001).] |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
*sniff, sniff*  Then we're back again to a reality where distance holds you and I do not I can really relate, Jaime. Other then that, I don't know what to say. I loved the poem, but how many times do you want to hear that?  LoL...The ending was truely captivating.  ~ Titus "My body is merely the canvas of my soul." ~ The Night Owl [This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (03-23-2002 09:58 PM).] |
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