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Teen Poetry #3
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The Vision
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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The Vision |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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Ok, this is bad for me. I just couldnt think of anything at all, be honest! Thoughts of you provoke a portrait About how you gleam in light An artist, incapable to paint it Asks me for some insight The man cries, and he moans On his paper, confusion does lay I take the work, tear it I did “There's more to it,” I say Soon a woman, envious of her Wants to try this hopeless feat Her easel loosens, falls aground For she took to long to complete Oblivious to this effortless task People believe they can see How to draw or paint this image That is so romantic to me I’ll let you in, on this tiny secret A predicament that I was once in This girl isn’t an everyday person Beginning on the outside is a sin From the heart and onward down Shades of meaning come about As strokes appear, you’re now done A scene so lovely, is finally out Jeremy D. Raulinaitis 12/30/00 < !signature--> "A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 12-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
True, true, not really up to snuffalupagus with some of your other work, but I still liked it.  ~Carly |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
I loved the thoughts this brought to mind Jeremy ... painting from the inside out ... wonderful sentiments here! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Virgil Junior Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 43Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Hey, nice job. Lots of good imagery! I liked it. "By other ways, by other ferries, not here, shalt thou pass over: a lighter boat must carry thee." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
NIce............good message in the poem jer. I liked this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
Great poem!! I like it!! It is very well written...good job lol!! Keep writing!! Luv, ~*~SweetStuff~*~ ~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
thanks guys, i still need to do better than this.. nothings coming for me! ~JDR "A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis |
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Meladorri Junior Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 14Indianapolis, IN |
I like how you developed it from the beginning, better than what you had before = ) Good imagery... keep it up, and even though you think it's not your best, there's always someone else who finds something good in your words. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like the message here and how it was written overall. The flow wasn't your usual perfection but it's still really good "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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