navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Over You
Teen Poetry #3
Post A Reply Post New Topic Over You Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
kimmy
Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98


0 posted 2000-12-27 03:13 AM


Sittng all alone,
In the darness of myself,
Eyes closed,
Head bowed,
Crying.

Silently dreaming,
In the darkness of myself,
Eyes closed,
Head bowed,
Crying.

Intense staring,
Into the darkenss of myself,
Eyes closed,
Head bowed,
Crying.

Slowly realizing,
Within the darkness of myself,
Eyes open,
Head raised,
Smiling.

Completely forgotten,
Out of the darkness of myself,
Eyes dried,
Head raised,
Laughing.

Forgot about the tears,
The frightening nightmares,
Scary thoughts of darkness,
To be over you.



© Copyright 2000 kimmy - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2000-12-27 06:24 AM


Applause, applause!!!  Wonderful style Kimmy. What a clever use of phrasing, to change so subtly as you move through the verses ... this reminds me of a lovely, positive "awakening". Loved this!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
2 posted 2000-12-27 01:32 PM



  Wow! This was awesome. I too loved the way you went from dark, cold sadness to the happy laughter. Terrific write.

  ~Carly

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
3 posted 2000-12-27 02:00 PM


Ditto.  

Live and let live.

~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~


Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
4 posted 2000-12-27 03:57 PM


I agree, this is great.  I hope that you are really feeling this way!!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2000-12-29 03:49 PM


This was great!!!! Good one here!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


DancinQueen
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA
6 posted 2000-12-29 03:55 PM


wow wow wow ure quickly becoming one of my fav's here at passions. keep it up!

*dq


¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

DancinQueen
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA
7 posted 2000-12-29 03:57 PM


wow wow wow ure quickly becoming one of my fav's here at passions. keep it up!

*dq


¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
8 posted 2000-12-30 02:28 PM


simply perfect....I totally agree with Kit on this one....this is really good.  keep em coming

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
9 posted 2000-12-30 08:25 PM


I like, I like!! I like a lot! Don't stop!!  

~*Skyfire

*~Always Canadian*~
~*~I used to be an idiot, but I'm all right now~*~


Tears of Glass
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure
10 posted 2000-12-30 11:22 PM


Kit is so right!  This was simply amazing!  I LOVED the style.. it made me keep reading.  Wonderful poem!  You deserve a pat on the back   Keep it up!

*Jennifer

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
11 posted 2000-12-30 11:31 PM


i cannot agree more with everyone, new forms are what makes poems enjoyable!

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
12 posted 2000-12-31 09:09 AM


Do you know me??   hehehe no, I completely get this one, and I love it!! I hope this is true to life, cause there is nothing more satisfying then ditching a jerk!! Keep writing!!
xoxo
Jenn


"A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ??


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Over You

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary