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Teen Poetry #3
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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2000-12-27 02:40 AM


silence screaming
ticking hands
awake dreaming
sleep demands
need you near me
know your taste
growing weary
seconds waste
moonlit smile
eyes to close
thinking while
my conscience goes
hope that you
dreams will be of
the day is through
goodnight my love

© Copyright 2000 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
kimmy
Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98

1 posted 2000-12-27 02:50 AM


wow..this was really really good...i likes it a lot...nice job...
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2000-12-27 06:20 AM


"moonlit smile
eyes to close
thinking while
my conscience goes"

This flows with such tender and lyrical tones Kevin ... just the perfect mood to set to slumber, very nicely done!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2000-12-27 01:38 PM



  Hey. The beginning had a tone that wasn't very defined, but it pulled together wonderfully in the end! Very good piece.

   ~Carly

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
4 posted 2000-12-27 01:50 PM


Excellent poem Kevin. It had a great flow to it.

Live and let live.

~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~


Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-12-27 03:54 PM


I really like the flow of this, it's such a good poem.  Great job on it!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2000-12-29 03:48 PM


Kevin is in lovveeeeeeeeeeeee.......good one here. Another poem with wonderful flow!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2000-12-30 02:23 PM


your sstyle is so different but still so effective.  im loving it a lot.  don't worry about Dopes   he kids around a lot    leave him alone Dopes

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
8 posted 2000-12-30 10:14 PM


its really good. nice flow. hope to see more.
REgina
aka Ina

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
9 posted 2000-12-30 11:32 PM


nice wordage... the quick wit words and up beat message was a plus too!

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
10 posted 2000-12-31 12:34 PM


Kevin, this is a wonderful, loving piece of work.  I loved the lines Kit already mentioned...truly beautiful work!  

*Krista Knutson*

I'm a slow dying flower
In a frost-killing hour
The sweet turning sour and untouchable...
-Natalie Merchant

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
11 posted 2000-12-31 01:47 PM


Nice work Kevin. Keep it up..!  
xoxo
Jenn


"A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ??


Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
12 posted 2001-01-01 04:21 AM


Great work...  short and sweet!!

Melz!!

Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

Isabelle
Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176
Indiana
13 posted 2001-01-01 05:20 AM


I like it alot. This style of writing was unique and I like your rhyming skeme that takes talent.

Jeanna

"Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls."
~Voltaire~


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