Untitled -- Any suggestions?

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Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

0 posted 2000-12-26 04:27 PM

Untitled

Swallowed by loneliness and anguish,
No one is here.
I can see people but they are all
Beyond my grasp.
I hear about people with rainbows,
And wonder where does the courage come from?

Why is the world shut off to me?
Why are the triangles and rainbows
Only with the people who carry them?

I feel the thoughts and I walk through the halls.
I hear the comments or unspoken words.
The colors leave me one by one
Leaving a sad, chaotic song.

I ride this song to the end,
Feeling the harmony and melody
Flow from my fingers all the while,
Yet not hearing a single note.

The notes are hidden,
Hidden deep they are fighting to be freed.
They are a half step apart and grating
My soul away.
I can't change the notes.
Too many people say it's the right to change it.
Too many people just don't want to listen
To what's really there.

They are afraid it might be a masterpiece.
They are afraid that it's creator isn't that different
From themselves.

*Jennifer

silvrduck
Member

since 2000-11-05

Posts 146

1 posted 2000-12-26 11:06 PM

Sorry, i'm not too great with titles, but i do think this is a really, really good poem! very creative, and it made me think.

Sarah

*The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.*

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-12-27 06:03 AM

Very thought-provoking, and wonderful imagery Jennifer, nicely written!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2000-12-27 01:35 PM

Wow...Really great job. Some of the wording you used was so perfect, so intense..Title, title...Turned Away? Swallowed? I don't know..Once again, great job.

~Carly

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

4 posted 2000-12-27 01:57 PM

I'm not too good with titles in the first place, but something came to me...Silent Song? This was an excellent poem that was worded very well.

Live and let live.

~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2000-12-27 03:53 PM

Yeah, very thought provoking, this is good!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2000-12-29 03:46 PM

Very good poem........i'm wondering what it all means.....but it was great....

titles:
A different kind of rainbow
Unheard tunes
Invisible Cadence.

i dont know hehe...ok bye!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

7 posted 2000-12-30 12:20 PM

i liked this poem and dopey had some good titles, keep up the good work!

~JDR

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

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