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Teen Poetry #3
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niceguy
Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113
Sapello, NM, USA

0 posted 2000-12-26 12:01 PM


I never really wrote anything like this before but I thought I'd give it a try. Tell me what you think Lake.

Broken

My heart has shattered
And your resonsible girl
So just dissapear


"Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts."

© Copyright 2000 John - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
1 posted 2000-12-26 12:20 PM


whats lakewalker's challenge?haikus?
good jog better than I could ever do.
REgina

niceguy
Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113
Sapello, NM, USA
2 posted 2000-12-26 12:50 PM


Yeah...it's posted in teen explorer, go and check it out if you get a chance.
Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
3 posted 2000-12-27 01:04 PM


Other than the minor typo of leaving the p out of responsible, this poem is awesome.  I really like it, you should write some more of these!  You definitely met my challenge

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
4 posted 2000-12-27 02:22 PM


You did very well with this poem, niceguy. I agree with them you should do more.  

Live and let live.

~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~


niceguy
Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113
Sapello, NM, USA
5 posted 2000-12-27 02:31 PM


Hey, glad you liked it. Oops...guess I should type a little more slow huh? Thanx.
xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
6 posted 2000-12-27 11:32 PM


I'm not really all into Haiku's or however you spell it but i really liked this one...great job!
Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
7 posted 2000-12-28 02:23 AM


Everyone has really taken to these haikus...  and everyone is doing a great job...  this is no exception!!  Keep up the great work!!

Melz!!


Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
8 posted 2000-12-28 05:44 AM


i have to say this was well written too...short but haunting, it left me wondering about the fate of the speaker...

encore!!

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
9 posted 2000-12-29 04:25 PM


This was a nice one niceguy.....keep it up!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
10 posted 2000-12-30 02:45 PM


i heard haikus have rules, but forget the rule..you did well  

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


niceguy
Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113
Sapello, NM, USA
11 posted 2000-12-30 04:16 PM


Thanx so much for all of your replies. They really mean a lot to me. Thanx again.


"Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts."

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