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Teen Poetry #3
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jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2000-12-26 01:58 AM


I may have to explain. This poem is about how you wake up, but still live unconscious sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way. Enjoy.

The unruly body, emancipates itself
From these, my sleeping spirits,
However, I'm not apprehensive
Of the things that are in tiny bits,

Not sure what time, I can’t tell when
I actually rouse, it isn’t foretold,
Could be noon, or maybe at two?
After four, or when sun’s turned cold,

If I knew, arrival of presence, maybe
I’d be good for you, or too good,
My mind is somewhere else, is it
In a town of should, would or could?

Substances birthed, I don’t take ‘cause
They stir queasiness, of prominent disgust,
Addiction’s wrath, storms in like winds of
A gusty bay, dissolving my strong thrusts,

As you await belated words, you may
Strike my face, with sinful fists,
No good will it do, but leave marks of
Blacks ‘n blues, in a world that does persist,

So as I establish, dreams of what I may
Accomplish tomorrow, I’ll lay down tonight,
Until my eyes remove closure, and unravel
In this light, relaxation may cure my sight,

Jeremy D. Raulinaitis 10/26/00 2am


< !signature-->

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

[This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 12-26-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved
Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
1 posted 2000-12-26 02:16 AM


Jeremy, you are DEFINATELY not the only one that feels like this we all feel like this at some time or another...  if we don't them maybe it's just you and me...  but I don't think so!!  Great poem!!

Melz!!


Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
2 posted 2000-12-26 09:43 AM



  This kicked butt!!!! And I'm all about living and sleeping at the same time. Keep writing!!!

  ~Carly

WhY
ShOuLd I
Be hypnotized by someone else's lies
WhY
ShOuLd I
Take time and pride in what someone else believes...

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
3 posted 2000-12-26 01:21 PM


thanks you two, always have such great words!


"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

sweetstuff101
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375
OK, USA
4 posted 2000-12-26 04:02 PM


That was awesome!! You aren't the only one who feels like that. Just like Mel said, we ALL feel like that sometime or another. Great work, keep writing!!

Luv,
~*~SweetStuff~*~


~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-12-27 01:12 PM


"My mind is somewhere else, is it
In a town of should, would or could?"

You already know how I feel about your writing, I love it.  This poem was written well, keep them coming.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2000-12-29 03:35 PM


This was great...i been there jer..........i don't like the feeling......hehe



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2000-12-29 06:17 PM


This poem is beautifully written.  I see a second meaning to it too....I guess it's not a matter of awaking from our dreams, but a matter of whether we choose to or not.  I'll shut up now.  Am i making sense?  

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


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