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Teen Poetry #3
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peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202


0 posted 2000-12-25 11:32 PM


BLUCH. EWWWW. Deletion time...
Vreni

Prodigy

Trim recollections are never satisfied,
Depression’s hunger can’t be mollified.
Brilliant hogwash appears on demand,
Child’s soul imprisoned against their command.
Reiterate the answers, spit it all back,
Save our existence, caulk all the cracks.
Hero of all, yet subhuman for the hour,
The eyes see truth, but the mind does cower.
Dance on cue, abstracted whipping boy,
Amuse us for laughter, our little puppet toy.
Observe this now, for this life you desired,
You obtained your goal, but of it you tire.
Epiphanized nirvana it is completely not,
Despise your position, despite what you thought.
Belated realization, can’t turn around now,
Give up your efforts, you must learn how.



[This message has been edited by peanogrl83 (edited 12-26-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
1 posted 2000-12-25 11:50 PM


I love your flowing heartfelt words of wisdom. This poem was simply ingenious.

"A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
2 posted 2000-12-25 11:53 PM


i love your poems and you already know how much.  i just don't like one line typed in the poem...i don't like this line:

"BLUCH. EWWWW. Deletion time..."

you know that talent is bestowed on you.  not only you know this, but all of us do.  and hey, sup with you and dopey   just kidding  



I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2000-12-26 09:39 AM



  I'm gonna have to agree with acire on that one line. It just didn't fit the wonderful poem...

   ~Carly

WhY
ShOuLd I
Be hypnotized by someone else's lies
WhY
ShOuLd I
Take time and pride in what someone else believes...

peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202

4 posted 2000-12-26 04:24 PM


jeremy, acire, and Carly...thanks for replying !  Acire - you know that that is how I feel about my poetry so.....it's honest.

Vreni

Tears of Glass
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure
5 posted 2000-12-26 04:29 PM


Wow... this is an amazing piece.  You are very talented, and I love reading what you write.  Very nice job!  I would locve to read more by you, so keep them coming.  Again, awesome job with this.

*Jennifer

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
6 posted 2000-12-27 01:24 PM


That may be how you feel about your poetry, but no one, and I say this with certainty, no one else here feels the same way about your poetry.  You do know that it's good.  You know that you have talent.  

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
7 posted 2000-12-28 01:59 AM


You must have a HUGE vocabulary...  I need the dictionary here...  Wow!!  It is an excellent piece... Well done!!

Melz!!


Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

kimmy
Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98

8 posted 2000-12-29 12:35 PM


wow..the flow and i cannot even pick out the best qualities becasue ther eare so many!!! i loved this..it was great...keep writing..
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
9 posted 2000-12-29 06:30 PM


Wonderful poem Vreni.....
And Acire.......Vreni is falling in love with me......isn't it obvious?!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


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