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Teen Poetry #3
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My cup of coffee --- noone reads my poems anymore :(
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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My cup of coffee --- noone reads my poems anymore :( |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
First of all, I don't like this poem of mine at all. I posted it cause i thought that I neede to post one really bad. I'm not like most of you, I don't have the talent to just sit down and come up with a poem. So, I hope you forgive the simpleness of this poem. That's if you could even call it one. And Vreni --- please don't read this cause it's embarrassing  I sit here wondering what there is to be on this another day Sipping on a cup of watered roasted French, possibly Colombian or maybe not even either Florescent lights seem to be sending me signals with each flicker Deafened by the loud noise created by the silence of being alone Just rocking my way back and forth, back and forth, And back and forth... For once in my life I am finally admitting that I’m aghast in life The sun seems to rise each day, but the darkness remains Overlaying even a glimpse of one’s euphoria On my own, all alone... Finding ways to cheat life just to make it thru Why does one’s loneliness lead to the fear of life? In turn, leading to the acceptance of death? Is this to be negated with the fear of God? A faith in an almighty being never seen or heard? The architect of a life supposedly perfect? But a belief so strongly instilled in one’s heart, No questions are to be asked again? One must not make sense out of ignorance or self pity One must accept and endure what is that of destiny’s plan A thousand questions falling freely from the sky All the answers hidden and buried in a rubble of lies So I end up just sitting here still... Sipping on a cup of watered roasted French, possibly Colombian or maybe not even either, Still trying to find the answers to life’s unpopular reasons Still trying to figure out all these questions < !signature--> I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR [This message has been edited by acire (edited 12-23-2000).] |
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sweetypie5 Member
since 2000-10-06
Posts 97MWC,OK,USA |
Wow that was really good! That isn't simple! And believe me you have a lot of talent! Keep writing! I hope to see more! Buh bye |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It's amazing what thoughts can come over you while you're drinking coffee  I think that this is a wonderful piece. It takes me awhile to come up with things to write, also! As long as the finished product is good, it doesn't matter how long it took to complete it. I hope to see more of your wonderful work around here soon! "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
You have a wonderful talent Acire, I really enjoyed this. I too, love to question life ... endless questions, always trying to gleen a little more knowledge (though mine is over a cup of tea) I don't post often either, and there's nothing wrong with that at all! Great to read you again! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. This was really, really really really good...I had to read it a few times to get the whole thing and it made me think bunches(love it when that happens) Great job acire and keep writing!!! ~Carly WhY ShOuLd I Be hypnotized with someone else's lies WhY ShOuLd I Take time and pride in what someone else believes... |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
o cmon!that was beautiful!you have talent!!Keep on it. i have always like your poems. Regina |
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layla Member
since 2000-11-19
Posts 74 |
With that much talent you are waaaaaaaaay too modest, you are very good. I loved that poem, please keep posting for us! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the poem. It was generally good. The only thing that bothered me a bit about it was the fact that there's so many questions in here that we couldn't possibly delve within EVER due to lack of knowledge or faith are present within the poem. It just leaves you wanting more......wanting the answers. Good poem....... Another thing i'd like to add.......I don't believe in this line: "One must accept and endure what is that of destiny’s plan" I believe we make life or break life. Everything we are is us....not destiny... Destiny can go to hell......haha....sorry got carried away. ANYWAY! Dude great poem! Made me think TONS!!!!! I loved it......keep posting, i wanna see more of these poems. Oh and believe me, vreni would like this poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
what makes you think you don't have talent!! this is a wonderful poem!!! i can see you sitting there, drinking your watered down roasted french, or maybe columbian.....keep up the good work...i know how it is to not have people respond...i'll try to write you more  |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
wow this is really good! not at all simple. keep on writing!! katherine |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Simple?? Geez... I really would hate to know what you call a complex poem?! This is very good, and you do have the talent man! Keep it up! xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks all...thanks for the kindness I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
It has been said by others that I have a great intellectual curiousity and when I thought about it I found it to be true. It seems you are the same. Maybe that's why, like me, you have a hard time sitting down and writing "good" poetry. It's hard to put your complete thoughts and ideas into words. Although you don't like this poem, personally I think it's great. You said a lot and you said it well. It made people reflect on their lives the way that you did and continue to do. A lasting affect. Great poem acire. < !signature-->In order to be good one must know evil. ~*Angel of Darkness*~ [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 12-24-2000).] |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
Wow...that was deep....maybe its only deep to me because I am rather simple minded....who knows?? But I still think it was excellent!!! You have a bunch of talent...don't put yourself down, I think you've got way more of it than me!!! Well just keep writing, and keep your head up, you'll make it through!!! Much Luv, ~*~Priscilla~*~ PS~ Merry Christmas!!! < !signature--> ~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ [This message has been edited by sweetstuff101 (edited 12-24-2000).] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
well, the ideas are comiing, just not the precise words, i think that you could rewrite this poem and make it a lot better (not that its bad). great post, thanks for sharing. jeremy r "A writer doesn't acquire a vacancy of mind, but rather a inadequacy of words." - Jeremy D. Raulinaitis |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Acire~ My dear friend what makes you think that no one reads your work??? I dont write my work so that everyone will read it. I write it to share with everyone and see what they think of it. I write for the purpose of myself. To put my thoughts and feelings into poems. You have plenty of beautiful poems that come straight from your heart for people to read if they want and if they dont its their loss. You have plenty of talent too. Dont put yourself down. You are a good writer and if people dont think so then they dont know what they are missing out on. Trust me!!! Sorry I havent talked to you in awhile. I have been working so much and with Christmas shopping and all. But I hope to talk to you soon. And stop thinking the way that you are. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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Hallie_Angel Member
since 2000-12-06
Posts 102 |
You all may think I'm nut's but I learned a song a while ago about coffee, here it is: C.O.F.F.E.E. Coffe is noot for me, It's a drink some people wake up with, and it makes them nervous is no if, slaves to a coffee cup, they can't give coffee up!!! He he he!!!! It's Christmas day so I have a right to be nutty!!! Good poem, please keep posting!!! Merry Christmas Yall!!! Catherine!!! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks all...thanks for your replies erin --- that's cause even you or sweets don't even reply to em anymore. nice to see your reply though thanksI see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Acire~ Dont say that...I havent read a poem by you that I didnt reply to...So please dont say that. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Gees I am getting slack here... How did this wonderful peice of work get past me??? Anyway, I am glad I found it... you have done a great job... I have discovered that there is always going to be things in our lives that we wonder about... and eventually we will work them out!! Good Luck... hope the coffee brings more inspiration!! Melz!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I do have to agree with the others, this isn't so simple of a poem. The ideas in it are great, thanks for sharing it "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
no one reads your poems anymore huh? Looks to me like thats 20 replies you have there ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
DQ --- hey sweets, glad to see you in my reply list. Though it kinda sounded sarcastic I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
oh geez dont get all pouty on me, it was a good sarcastic ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
i can;t just sit down and come up with a poem so i knwo just the boat youre in *L* thuis isn;t a bad poem at all it is deep and well written! keep it up! ~*Pixie*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks for the reply pixie sweets, what happened to just plain old "nice poem, keep it up"? you didnt even say anything about the poem I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
you already know what im gonna say, so why say it over and over ...and will u quit with the sad/mad faces?? ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ooo a fave from you for sure! You had an excellent flow happening with this and a really calm yet demanding feeling all the way through. "I sit here wondering what there is to be on this another day Sipping on a cup of watered roasted French, possibly Colombian or maybe not even either" Excellent way to start off the piece. You leave open the indecisiveness of coffee. Something so small yet so relevant to everyone's lives. Very good. Wow, I can't commend you enough for the opening. "Florescent lights seem to be sending me signals with each flicker Deafened by the loud noise created by the silence of being alone Just rocking my way back and forth, back and forth, And back and forth..." Great imagery for this part. Florescent lights were a good touch. Most people use normal lights or stars as their main source of lighting but you used a fully man made light to add to the effect of your loneliness being mortal. The repetition of back and forth was read like a trance. I could see you just rocking and the lights flickering around you. Good stuff. "For once in my life I am finally admitting that I’m aghast in life The sun seems to rise each day, but the darkness remains Overlaying even a glimpse of one’s euphoria On my own, all alone..." The admittance was a great next step in this piece. You have already established that you're alone in your office and in time itself but being shocked in life took the piece to another level. Having the two competing forces, dark and light, added the feeling of good v evil in a way. The darkness stealing your euphoria, still making your life hell and creating this world where you still stay all alone. "Finding ways to cheat life just to make it thru Why does one’s loneliness lead to the fear of life? In turn, leading to the acceptance of death? Is this to be negated with the fear of God? A faith in an almighty being never seen or heard? The architect of a life supposedly perfect? But a belief so strongly instilled in one’s heart, No questions are to be asked again?" Cheating life is hard but the rhetorical questions posed in this section made the piece. I mean, you ask answers that everyone asks themselves but you do with utter ease that it reads like it should be recited. It's good how you threw the question up about peoples beliefs and how there are twinges of doubt in their minds. Apparently, religion is perfect but the idea of perfection seems to falter when the belief in such a thing dies down. "One must not make sense out of ignorance or self pity One must accept and endure what is that of destiny’s plan A thousand questions falling freely from the sky All the answers hidden and buried in a rubble of lies So I end up just sitting here still..." This part is great. You come to the realisation that you can't change your destiny and that you have to deal with what you're given in life. Questions are raised yet again but there is a beginning to some closure. "Sipping on a cup of watered roasted French, possibly Colombian or maybe not even either, Still trying to find the answers to life’s unpopular reasons Still trying to figure out all these questions" The full circle. Excellently done. You bring the main opener back to a conclusion and finish it off nicely with a desperation feel which is able to leave the reader pondering for quite a while. Fantastic piece, Acire. You couldn't have done any better if you had tried. The way you wrote it and progressed through the piece was quite professional. Well done. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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