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Teen Poetry #3
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peanogrl83
Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202


0 posted 2000-12-01 09:58 PM


Dopey, this is also for you - it's quite similar to the style of my earlier work. Still sucks. lol

Vreni

I am hated

I cannot speak, for I am hated,
Silent am I, my destiny’s slated.
Shaking now, no words leave my lips,
I take your beating from verbal whips.

I cannot cry, for I am hated
My sobbing leaves your cause inflated.
Tears held back, I choke on smiles,
A mask I wear that beguiles.

I cannot think, for I am hated,
Hungry thoughts must be sated.
I alone am witness to my mind,
Rambling thoughts, my sanity unwinds.

I cannot hope, for I am hated,
Despair runs rampant, unabated.
I live in constant fear and pain,
Laughter a sound I now disdain.

I cannot love, for I am hated,
A heart lays dormant, emaciated.
Incapable of passion’s long embrace,
Cold stone now stands in its place.

You will thrive, for I am hated,
With my pain, you are elated.
But don’t forget how quickly I learn,
Soon your hate, I shall return.  



© Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
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Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

1 posted 2000-12-01 10:11 PM


"You will thrive, for I am hated,
With my pain, you are elated.
But don’t forget how quickly I learn,
Soon your hate, I shall return."

This is a very impressive piece. You do very well with every style you try, and you should really give yourself more credit. Thanks for sharing.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
2 posted 2000-12-02 12:22 PM


I agree with LoveBug, this definately is a very impressing piece. I liked it a lot, especially the ending because its very true..like you basically said..what goes around, comes around. Great poem...absolutely loved it!

                  

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2000-12-02 10:49 PM


OOOOOOOoooooooo!!!! This was simply amazing! The flow in this one almost elevated me into utter ecstacy! *clears throat*....ahem....anyway! I thought this completely rocked. The whole style and format, the ryhme scheme and hell, just everything about it........i loved it! One of your best! ONE OF YOUR BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehehe....more more
dame mas! Quiero mas!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

4 posted 2000-12-02 11:40 PM


This was so awsome.  It read so perfectly.  I loved the way it ended to.  great job
IsGona

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
5 posted 2000-12-03 12:22 PM


Wow, this poem is great! Wonderfull ryhme and rhythm, great flow...i love everything about your poem, and sorry, I fail to see how it sucks...  

Keep it up

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

kimmy
Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98

6 posted 2000-12-03 03:37 AM


i agree with the others...this was an awesome poem..i loved it...i hope to read more like this...
Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
7 posted 2000-12-03 10:48 AM


This does NOT "suck!" I liked it very much! And I can sort of relate, too! GREAT JOB!  
Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
8 posted 2000-12-03 10:48 AM


This does NOT "suck!" I liked it very much! And I can sort of relate, too! GREAT JOB!  
Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
9 posted 2000-12-04 02:30 PM


I absolutly love the last stanza, it's fantastic.  You did a great job of writing this one, make sure to keep posting for us

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
10 posted 2000-12-04 07:08 PM



  ....................
  Wow.................
.................................

LoveAll
Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 148
B'dale, USA
11 posted 2000-12-04 08:44 PM


You are surely a talented poet!  I pray that you don't feel like this often, because you are not hated by far.  There is a God who loves you every moment of the day.  No matter what u say or do could ever take Jesus's love from you.  Keep writing babe!
God Bless and Keep Smiling  

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:3

Dean
Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 120
Canada
12 posted 2000-12-04 10:14 PM


Great poem! I love it! Your not hated I like ya!! I love what you can produce with your highly inteligent mind, something I hope to truley find!

Deano


"Live to love or why live at all"
Deano :)


apsara
Member
since 2000-11-09
Posts 70

13 posted 2000-12-06 02:23 AM


great format, loved your style..... WOW!

apsara

Allysa
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Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
14 posted 2000-12-06 04:23 PM


wow, you moved me~ Anyways, this is really excellent! bye!

I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be great, to put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
15 posted 2000-12-23 12:23 PM


simply amazing.  words cannot describe how i feel about your poems.  you should know that by now.  and i know you do  

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


branden726
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
16 posted 2000-12-23 06:04 PM


Good writting, i have read so many great writtings tonite keep it up!

"i just love when you bring your whole crew because its just a bigger piece of cake for me to chew threw"


Bright_Eyes
Junior Member
since 2000-12-22
Posts 29
Plymouth, MN
17 posted 2000-12-23 08:06 PM


I loved it!  My favorite was how you said...I cannot love/ I cannot think/ I cannot cry/ I cannot speak....because you are hated....WONDERFUL STYLE!  It really makes us think how it affects every part of your being...  the rhyming was impressive...Great poem (read: doesn't suck!)
Can't wait to see more.

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
18 posted 2000-12-23 08:52 PM


HOW CAN YOU THINK IT SUCKS!!!ITS ABOVE AND BEYOND!!!ONE OF YOUR BEST. oops caps was on.
if i could write like that!!!wow!!!!
Regina

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