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Teen Poetry #3
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Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2000-11-30 08:27 PM


Our Abyss:


Our blood stained encrippted note
Bidding a final fairwell.
Apollo's rusting chariot
With a sign of 'On Sale'.

Churning feelings of unfelt time
Fade into our perfect love.
Sit down blues and broken hearts.
Sarcastic smirk from up above.

Glancing girl of worry ways
Is what I'll come to miss.
Drum beat body simply here.
Long live our abyss.




I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


© Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved
Rhiannon
Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 95
Fayetteville, TN USA
1 posted 2000-11-30 09:35 PM


"Long live our abyss."
I loved this.
Keep it up  
love,
leslie

The night is my companion
The solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied?
Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession"


IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

2 posted 2000-12-02 04:23 PM


Hey Dopey, not sure why this one isn't getting many replies.  I liked it
IsGona

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2000-12-02 04:30 PM



  Hey yo! This was sooo great, I'm left with this really weird stunned feeling......you da man.

  ~Carly

Home is where the heart goes when it needs a band-aid.

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
4 posted 2000-12-03 11:41 AM


I read this one twice and finally found a meaning for me.  Sometimes I have to do that with your poems, but that's relly good, it gets my mind moving.  Nice job   And wow, you're about to hit 2000 !

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2000-12-06 07:10 PM


Im glad that i got the few amounts of replies i did. I know i didn't get a lot but all for reasons due to it being a crappy poem. I didn't much like it myself. This poem is simply about sinking down with my loved one into this nonreversable abyss of heartbreak and so on.
Glad to see some replied...bye!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2000-12-23 12:28 PM


hey Dopes, this isn't crapy.  You're like Vreni, you doubt your talents while everyone jaw hits the floor when they read em.  thanks fir the read

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
7 posted 2000-12-23 12:32 PM


nice flow, i love your style, keep up the good stuff

jeremy r

"...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~


TrueLUV
Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 158
Connecticut, U.S.A.
8 posted 2000-12-23 12:53 PM


2 word simply incredible I loved it.
I love all your work keep it up  

branden726
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
9 posted 2000-12-23 06:05 PM


Good write dopey. thanks for sharing!

"i just love when you bring your whole crew because its just a bigger piece of cake for me to chew threw"


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
10 posted 2000-12-24 12:53 PM


Well thanks for bringing this out of the dump......thanks for replying all.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Melster
Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia
11 posted 2000-12-24 03:28 AM


I am glad you told me of the meaning as I was dazzeled by it - I love it, but I was unsure of the meaning till I read your words, now all is clear!!  Can't wait for more!!

Melz!!


Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly

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