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Teen Poetry #3
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Morouxshi San
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2000-11-24 12:44 PM


Note: messed up i know.

-=Died=-

Guess who died today
his reality shattered
then scattered by insecurity
i saw him this morning, he was fine

all he knew, all he thought
to hell with plans
to hell with the good he brought
i saw him this afternoon, he was fine

wasnt he perfect?
wasnt he flawless?
wasnt he perfect?!

Guess who died today...

-San

Note: this one i wrote right after this, maybe youd like to read it too...

-=fulfilled=-
After your dreams are fullfilled,
please look ad me and smile.
After your reality is fullfulled,
please bury my body.
-San


San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...

© Copyright 2000 Morouxshi San - All Rights Reserved
brendon2k
Junior Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 38
none
1 posted 2000-11-24 02:11 AM


really enjoyed both of the poems. excelent writing. the first one i really enjoyed, unique from what im used to, i really liked it. overall, wonderful poems.
IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

2 posted 2000-11-24 12:33 PM


Wow.  These are some really great poems.  I had to read them a few times before I knew what I thaught of them.  I'm not sure if I totaly understand the first one.  It seems it could have a couple of meanings.  As long as you know, that's what counts... I really enjoyed these though.  They really provoked me to think.
Thanks
IsGona

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2000-11-24 02:41 PM



  Hey there. Wowza, these were great...I liked the second one better maybe...but I can kinda connect the first one more..I think... Stupenderific job...

    ~Carly

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
4 posted 2000-11-24 03:11 PM


I can tell that these poems have deep meanings to them... but I'm completely clueless as to what those meanings are. Sorry! I'm just not understanding what you wrote here. I'm sure if you explained a little, I might be able to catch on a bit.
xoxo
Jenn
< !signature-->

"Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-24-2000).]

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-11-24 03:48 PM


I guess I couldn't help but pick a favorite, I always do that when people post poems together.  I liked the first one better.  That one had a more powerful feeling in it to me, it was done very well.  I do think the second one is good.  I wonder if i would have reacted more to it if I hadn't read the first one right before it?  Ok, I think I'm heading towards rambling, so I'm gonna stop.  Excellent job

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2000-11-25 04:05 AM


Hey San.......this was great!!!
I liked it but lake is right....the first one has a lot more power.
Great job on both!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


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