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Teen Poetry #3
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Slipping
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Slipping |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
This is a follow-up on the poem that I had submitted earlier, What have I done? I wrote this when I was really confused about the future of my G/F's and my relationship. Things are getting better but I thought that I would post it anyway. It's a little vague and needs some work so I'd love to hear your ideas. Thanx. Slipping I feel as though life is trying to pull us apart, Seeing if one of us will let go, Give up on the other and the future; I'm slipping... I feel as though someone has invaded my mind, Forcing me to be filled with doubt, Making me wonder if I'm strong enough to hold on; I'm slipping... I feel as though I am at a crossroad, And a decision must be made, To go right or left, to lose the battle or win the war; I'm slipping... I feel as though I cannot win, Knowing there is so much at stake, My feelings are in disarray; I'm slipping...away. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Oh wow...I'm not exactly sure what it was about this poem, but something in it really got to me...I absolutely loved it, and I truly felt it as I was reading. I can really relate to your confusion in this one. It means a lot that you posted this so thank you. Definitely going in my book of favorites. Keep it up ~K~ ~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~ ~Won't you come and hold my hand? This world has taken me as far as it can... wit |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
had to reply again...forgot to add it to my favorites lol |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx a lot Kandi for the reply and I am glad that you liked it. Means a lot that you would put it in your favorites. Thanx again. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like how you ended each stanza with the same line, it adds a great affect. I usually always love repition though  If you want some help revising this, I'd suggest posting it in the Teen Explorer forum, you might get more suggestions there. Good job on the poem though "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I kinda believe that everything happens for a reason...or i might just always tell myself that to make up for everything that goes wrong...but if you guys were meant to be together...you'll stay together and you'll work things out...it just takes time and commitment and im shur that you guys can work through this..and i hope you do. |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx for all of your replies...means a lot. Glad you liked it lake. Sugar...thanx for your reply. Your right, if we were meant to be then things will get better. It will just take a while. And we are both commited so I think that we will make it. Thanx alot. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This is a really good poem. I also love the repitition, I use it all the time, it adds a neat effect to poetry. Once again great work, and I hope things work them selves out for you and your G/F. xoxo Jenn "Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx for the reply. Glad that you liked it. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey niceguy, ive read every poem you've written and this one has a different format. It's good aswell. I can see that you are not only having a great time here like the rest of us.....but also learning like the rest of us. Coming here really does expand our horizons within our poetry. Glad to see a bit of variety within the formatting of this poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx dopey. Yeah, I decided to try something a little different with this one. Glad ya liked it. Laterz "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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