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Teen Poetry #3
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Your Kingdom
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Your Kingdom |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Uhhh..no idea what I'm trying to say. lol. (what's new? lol) Vreni Your Kingdom Towering above, a pillar of society, The newest saint, omniscient deity. It’s frigid and desolate in your eclipse, I stand shivering, with frost frothed lips. You block out the sun, my only light, Leave me in darkness, shaking with fright. For your attention I clamor and implore My cries seemingly a deafening roar. But alas, I fail, you pay me no heed, Obliviously blind to all but your needs. Head held high, you rule as your king, To the blind your infinite wisdom bring. Wait for the world to bow upon its knees, As you ignore all their hopeless pleas. A crown of lies resides upon your head, Egotism and arrogance you brilliantly wed. But I am the usurper, the Chosen one, Your fairy-tale kingdom will come undone. My fist will smash all your petty ideals, Plunder your village, take what appeals. My lips shall consume all that is your life, Your supposed pain, your imagined strife. It is I that will end it all, kill your soul, Leave you empty, but half of a whole. |
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| © Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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curlygurly Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 276USA |
WOW that was awesome! i don't know how you came up with that but it was really good. i loved how you described his kingdom coming apart. great poem  Curly "So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside" -Lenny Kravitz |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You know i liked this but here's a trip vreni: Try some new styles. I always enter a poem knowing the exact format and length of the poem. You're starting to get predictable. Vreni.....you have an immense amount of talent, I really think that you should dip your toes into other styles. As much as my poems suck.....i like to delve within tons upon tons of styles. Try it babe!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I liked this and I like this style, but I have to agree with Dopey that your style is predictable. I know you sometimes say you do not like your poems. Maybe if you did try a different style you might like it?? I feel like by saying that I'm bashing this style, but I honestly like it and think it's very good. So pretty much who knows what i'm saying, except great job on the poem "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I do too agree with Dopey, maybe you need to try a different style. Try a poem that doesn't even rhyme. I love those kind. Just write exactly how you feel without worrying about the rhyming scheme. Try reading the last one I posted, maybe that'll give you an idea. I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Funny you should mention that my posted poems have been very similar lately, I thought that myself as I posted this particular poem. However, I DO write in other styles...my work tends to come in phases..I'll write in one style for a few months, change to another etc etc ...so my earlier work (much of it unposted) is of many different styles. And now and again, I do attempt different styles for the heck of it...I just don't post that work. I do not feel completely comfortable revealing every aspect of my inner being to complete, okay, almost complete, strangers. I suppose if I'm boring people w/ my predictiveness, I can disappear for a few months until I write myself into a new style. With that, I bid the forum goodbye for a little while..... Vreni |
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