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Teen Poetry #3
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Lucius Cade
Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235
Saskatchewan

0 posted 2000-11-15 03:28 AM




As I lay here dying
I wonder why I even tried
to save that man being held
at gunpoint.

As I lay here dying
I think about my day
and the path I chose to take
that ended at this spot.

Maybe had I slept in?
Maybe had I walked the dog?
Maybe had I watched T.V?
I would not have been here dying now.

I look at the other man and
realize he is dead.

In my vain attempt to save that slob I have signed away my life and future...

And as I wither and die
I cry, for I
will only be remembered for what I've done
and not for who I am...

Now I beg for sleep
in agony
bleeding on my concrete pillow.

Numb, and cold, I can not breath.
My awareness collapses in all around
like a tidal wave of pain and darkness
smashing me, out of reality.




Lucidity is the answer to all problems

© Copyright 2000 Lucius Cade - All Rights Reserved
xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
1 posted 2000-11-15 03:09 PM


This was absolutely terrific...it has so much feeling in it!! life is all about, what if's like you were asking yourself in the poem, and thats the reality of it all. I thought this piece was amazing...great job hun.
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2000-11-15 04:03 PM


It's so good to see you around here again, my friend!  


This is such a chilling piece. I love how the person in the poem reflects on everything that could have happened and then on what did happen. You have great storytelling talent, also! Keep up the great work!

False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference.



Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2000-11-15 04:04 PM


This was wonderful!! I really liked the topic of this poem. You tried to save somebody out of kindness but in the end it was all done in vain and the person died anyway along with taking you down with him.
Bad bad bad......
but the poem....good good good!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
4 posted 2000-11-15 08:01 PM


holy sh***t that was awesome! oh my god! wow it was so beautiful...the act of kindness can sometimes have rewards and sometimes be painful..Rad poem though..
~Ina~

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-11-16 06:04 PM


Oh my, this one had some power in it!  I'm impressed, I think you did an awesome job with these words.  incredible writing !

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

http://www.thehungersite.com

Lucius Cade
Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235
Saskatchewan
6 posted 2000-11-17 12:44 PM


Wow, thanks guys.
Yeah love bug I havent been around for a while. I havent written for a while untill this one, but now that my dry spell is back I will be here more often  


Lucidity is the answer to all problems

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

7 posted 2000-11-17 06:01 PM


Death is always a powerful and interesting thing to write about.  I love the irony in this one.  good job.
IsGona

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN"
~Hatebreed~

~*~PrettyGirly~*~
Member
since 2000-11-04
Posts 83
Fitchburg Ma Usa
8 posted 2000-11-17 10:02 PM


~*!Hi!*~ that was a really good poem. ~*~PG~*~  


If I could walk I'd be glad..But I'm glad the way I am- ~*~me~*~



compassion
Member
since 2000-11-01
Posts 135
USA
9 posted 2000-11-18 07:07 PM


Very well written!  I have a sister just like the person you've described... I gave her some tips and good advice (once my eyes were opened that I may help her to see); next thing I know, she's showing me a trick or two. Yelp, open your friends eyes. (sometimes it works) it certainly helped my sister and who knows what she'll be remembered for now.  Thanks for sharing and my dumping.{smile}  
ThyWizard
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 56
Chambersburg, PA, USA
10 posted 2000-11-18 09:42 PM


So much like life.  Excellent piece, the what ifs made it totally easy for the reader to relate...lookin forward to readin more of your work

" If who i am is what i have and what i have is lost, then who am I? " - unknown


Tryps


vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
11 posted 2000-11-19 04:04 PM



LC-
   wow...this is a very powerful piece.
   you've done an excellent job here,
   and I'm looking forward to reading
   more from you.  

   -vicky




"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes



Morouxshi San
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico
12 posted 2000-11-19 04:27 PM


incredible, this was one terrific piece...

is it me or does anyone else notice how Dope everytime he understands a poem he does a recap on it?

keep writting!


San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...

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