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Teen Poetry #3
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Sandstorm
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Sandstorm |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
YUCK. That's all I have to say. Yuck yuck yuck! Vreni Sandstorm Unsteady now, I reach out my hand, To find stability in a storm of sand. The grains swirl about me in a cloud, Black, my field of vision they enshroud. Still I grapple, search for your shoulder, Finding nothing, my soul grows colder. An intangible void where you once stood, Encases all you’ve done, what you should. Faltering, I begin another spiral descent, From reality towards truths that torment, I fall from innocence, sanity and light, The impacting inertia I dare not fight. I land in a dune of suffering and fear, Laden with rivers of sand-encrusted tears. The grains burn my eyes, make them run, Deepening the pool of sorrow that’s begun. I wallow in this lake of pain, start to drown, For you, my friend, do pull me down. |
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| © Copyright 2000 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Awesome, that's all I can say. This is truly awesome! Keoni |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This is absolutely really truely great. You have such talent, I've liked all of your poems and this is another one that's done well. Keep up this good work!!! (and don't say yuck)  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! |
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branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Yucky lol j/k hey this was great what do u mean yuck yuck yuck? i liked it and trust me i dont like all poems, well yeah i do but thats besides the point i like this one a lot more "put the name of the person u love, not in a heart because they alway break but put it in a circle which last forever" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey this great not yucky!!!!NOOOO!!!!! it was great, i loved it. The meaning and message flowed out wonderfully. I understood exactly what you were trying to say. I liked this one a lot. I haven't read anything you've written which pisses me off cuz just once id like to say "hey...this really was yucky!"......ok no......but every poem i've read is a poem i've liked. Good job and keep being "yucky"!  "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
To tell you thr truth, I feel like my poems don't even deserve to be in the same forum as yours. That's how much repect I have for your writing. And when you find this to be yucky, I can't way to see what you actually are proud to post. "I land in a dune of suffering and fear, Laden with rivers of sand-encrusted tears." simply magnificent You're of writer's jealousy I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"I wallow in this lake of pain, start to drown, For you, my friend, do pull me down." Wow, these are some powerful words, my friend. I love the strong symbolism in this piece. It's extremely well written. Never let anyone pull you down. I hope your storm subsides soon. False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Okay all I have to say is that this was amazing. AMAZING. ~Carly Forever has ended, and never came too soon... |
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curlygurly Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 276USA |
I don't know why you think this is so horrible! you have such a talent with imagery! this poem was just aweosme Curlz "So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside" -Lenny Kravitz |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
keoni - lol,thanks, though I fail to think so. lakewalker - YUCK YUCK YUCK! branden - lol, thanks for responding and thank you! Dopey - oh silly, look closer, all my poems suck (especially in comparison to yours!):.P acire - Oh stop! You've no right to be jealous of ME of all writers! Good grief, your poetry is MUCH better than mine. Lovebug - Thanks for the compliments, they mean a lot coming from you as I'm a fan of your work. Lol, there is indeed a storm in my life, but I'm getting used to it's presence, and unfortunately, it's not necessarily any one person that pulls me down, but my own self. Does that make sense? Child- Thanks for the compliments and reply! Curly - Oh dear, I can only WISH for the talent you describe, you flatter me WAY too much! |
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