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Teen Poetry #3
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chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.

0 posted 2000-10-30 12:43 PM


This is a poem that I just cooked up...need help with title please.


I laugh
I cry
No where to go.

I walk
I run
No where to hide.

I whisper
I scream
No one to listen.

What can I do?
I've tried it all.
I just can't go on.
Does no one care?

I look for help.
I search for love.
But, in the end
I find nothing.

Will it ever fill?
This void in my heart.
It seems to me
that the answer is no.


I know this doesn't rhyme and that it maybe off, but if you have any suggestions I'd really appreciate them...    
< !signature-->

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!


[This message has been edited by chic (edited 11-01-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Barbara Mendoza - All Rights Reserved
Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
1 posted 2000-10-30 07:49 PM



  Hey. I really liked this, it was a bit out of order and that's what made it cool. And I would say "No" for a title, but that really bites. Heh, I'm no good at those. Well keep it up!!

  ~Carly

The grindstone of life will either polish us or wear us down, depending on what we're made of.


Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2000-10-30 09:28 PM


This was great, a little feeling of desperation but great.



"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-10-31 07:03 AM


You've got a great theme going in this piece Chic. Why don't you also post this in the Teen Explorer forum where Craig and Sharon can give you some further in-depth thoughts?  

Best wishes,
/Kit

chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
4 posted 2000-10-31 02:10 PM


Thanx for your replies


Kit- I think I'll do that thanx for the suggestion

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-10-31 02:27 PM


Title?  I can't think of a title, that's too hard   I like the poem though, and you know it doesn't have to rhyme to be good!  

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2000-10-31 11:01 PM


first of all, a poem does not have to rhyme. Secondly, the poem is really good this way.  I like it a lot.  With regards to the title, it's up to you, it's what you feel the poem should be titled

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
7 posted 2000-11-01 02:46 PM


Thanx for the replies, you have no idea how much they mean to me.

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
8 posted 2000-11-01 10:21 PM


Chic~
I think that this poem is good the way it is...I mean if you think that you can make it better go for it!!!I like the way you used the different emotions and actions and all that...Keep up the good work!!!


~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~

chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
9 posted 2000-11-02 01:02 PM


Thanx erin

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
10 posted 2000-11-02 10:19 PM


This was an excellent way of portraying your emotions...It had a lot of meaning to it, good job
chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
11 posted 2000-11-03 11:58 AM


Thanx SH

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
12 posted 2000-11-15 12:54 PM


*bump*

"Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

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