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Teen Poetry #3
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Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA

0 posted 2000-10-24 05:06 PM


~*¤Falling¤*~

You are so close,
yet still, so far.
Brightly shining,
like a newborn star.
You are falling away from me...

Down the road,
where will we be?
Into the future,
I can not see.
And you are falling away from me...

If I reach for your hand,
will you stay?
Or will you vanish,
and leave me this way?
You are falling away from me...

I look to the sky,
a star falls.
I reflect on yesterday,
remember it all.
And you are falling away from me.
Slowly falling away...

*This has nothing to do with DancinQueen's poem.




[This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 10-24-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Sara - All Rights Reserved
Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
1 posted 2000-10-24 06:14 PM



  Hey. This was really cool..I loved the repetition, it gave this a lotta class. Stay cool...happy writing....

  ~Carly

The grinstone of life will either polish us or wear us down, depending on what we're made of.

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2000-10-24 06:31 PM


This was great, the repetition kicked butt and .....hey YOU!....YOU dont fall away from me ya hear?



"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
3 posted 2000-10-25 01:37 PM


I also liked the reptition because it kept reminding me of the main point of this poem.  I think the poem is really good

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2000-10-26 10:08 AM


Why does it seem like i always follow Lakewalker's replies.  I do agree with him though.  thanks for sharing and keep writing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
5 posted 2000-10-26 01:29 PM


Suga~
This was really good!!!And just like the others said I love the way you used the repetition...Keep up the good work!!!


~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

6 posted 2000-10-26 09:14 PM


This was great.  Like Dopey said the repition was really good.  I really liked this one.....keep it up alright?  Nice job  
Hasta luego
Bel

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