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Teen Poetry #3
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Astraea
Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

0 posted 2000-10-23 12:48 PM


I've been loyal
Since birth: true blue,
Too true, too blue - for you,
With deer-dog eyes that fit me
So well.

Trailing along behind, ahead
Again for a few, precious moments.

I think I'll elope with
Death for a while
Stolen, sweet moments of wild rebel.
I wonder if It'd take a stray in.
I wonder if I could ever be loyal
To another
Master, I hope I can.

It's time I make my greatest
Mistake.

I wish I weren't so faithful.
I wish I could have something so great
That it could be wanted like Life.
Master, I wish.
No more chasing prey down, and left
Hunting alone, nothing.

There is nothing more to let go, to give
For me: loyalty.

I wonder if Life would miss me,
If there would be anything to miss.
Always there like the sky, never missed
Never known, and it can rain
So hard, so much, too little
For me to wonder if I could ever be Sky
Too, that I wish.

Give up, go home: there's no pack to run
When you yourself are chased away.

I can't leave, I can't stay.
Life has its hold over me too great
That I wonder if maybe I'm no pet to tame.
I thought I ran with a pack, but I'm game.
Wolf that I am now, free, wild, running
Alone, and I wonder if I'm faithful to that.

With deer-dog eyes that fit me so well,
I wish to remain faithful.


*waves at everyone*  Just droppin' by to say hi, so "HEY!"  In any case, hope my poem wasn't that bad or confusin'.

*sneaks back out again*

"Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."



© Copyright 2000 Tiffany - All Rights Reserved
Suteki
New Member
since 2000-10-23
Posts 5

1 posted 2000-10-23 01:14 AM


Nice poem! ^_^ It didn't confuse me TOO much.  But...if you could explain the concept...like....is this you portraying the thoughts of a dog?  Or you portraying thoughts like you've been faithful to your family so long but you're trying to break free of that loyalty?

~S.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2000-10-23 06:11 PM


I think this poem was amazing. I saw your name and thought "she must be new" but apparently you're not. I'd much appreciate if you would post here more because i think you have a great talent. I loved this poem....i simply just loved it. The whole concept and format of it was great. I hardly ever think a poem is, in fact, GREAT like this one.....this one is so good. I'm happy to have read it and hope to see more of you around.



"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2000-10-23 07:42 PM



  Hey. Wow. Umm...yeah what Dopey said. hehe...no, I am not able to speak for myself. well, tootelz and happy writing...

  ~Carly


The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.
~Isaiah 9:1-2

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