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Teen Poetry #3
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Ender
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

0 posted 2000-10-22 05:25 PM


*Note*---This poem is using a new style for me.  I have never done this before....rhyming isnt my thing...but, tell me what you think**

I wish it weren’t true
I wish we weren’t through
But that is how life is
But maybe, just a kiss

Just a kiss to say goodbye
Lean on me, I sing a lullaby
Together tonight, is the last
We both wish it not fast

Cherish, is the kiss
For it will be missed
All the time spent together
Remembered, forever

Not forever is good-bye
Please, princess, don’t be shy
I will still be there
Your side in my care

Forever, love will always be
You have opened my eyes to see
Be, where would I?
My life, full of lies

Memories, forever
Love, together
All of it coincides
We must move on, our very lives

For you, I love
But give me a shove
Leave you, I cannot
To think that very thought

Good-bye my princess
Not forever, goodness
There, I will always be
For you to look, and see

< !signature-->

*Blonde people are normal.  Everyone else is just strange. -Ender*

[This message has been edited by Ender (edited 10-22-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Richard Melick - All Rights Reserved
Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
1 posted 2000-10-22 06:02 PM



  Hey. This was great!! I gotta admit, I kinda liked your other style(s) better tho. Way to rise up to a challenge!! Good job, and happy writing...

   ~Carly


The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.
~Isaiah 9:1-2

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
2 posted 2000-10-22 08:24 PM


i thought it pretty neat because of how you expressed coming apart from someone, also i liked how you put it:
"For you, I love
But give me a shove
Leave you, I cannot
To think that very thought"


"...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~


Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2000-10-22 09:04 PM


Well hey........good bye's suck and i know how that is. So i just hope things are ok and good poem. thanks for sharing.



"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

CLBinLOVE
Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA
4 posted 2000-10-22 09:16 PM


well...i havent read any of your other stuff, but this was kinda hard to follow, meaning wise anyway, maybe im just tired, i dont know, but hey keep it up maybe ill be awake for the next one hehe

always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :)

Ender
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA
5 posted 2000-10-22 09:46 PM


Thank you all for your replies.  This style is new and different.  I am not one to make them rhyme....but thanx anyways

*Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender*

Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
6 posted 2000-10-22 09:57 PM


I think this poem has a good meaning behind it.... but I'm not sure I favor the style. Maybe if you tried to rhyme every other line... instead of every line?
But it's always good to try something new.
Jenn


"Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
7 posted 2000-10-23 03:17 PM


I didn't hate the style, so I suppose it seemed fine to me    Sometimes I notice people forcing rhyme and I didn't sense that when reading your poem.  I like the poem  
I really like this part of it:
"Good-bye my princess
Not forever, goodness
There, I will always be
For you to look, and see"

< !signature-->

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

[This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 10-23-2000).]

branden726
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
8 posted 2000-10-24 04:12 PM


good poem i liked it a lot and u did a pretty good job for this being the first time rhyming
                 *~BRANDEN~*

"what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger"

Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
9 posted 2000-10-24 05:34 PM


This is good for your first try! Keep it up!  
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