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Teen Poetry #3
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For Her Daddy
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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For Her Daddy |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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The child chews her fingernails Daddy takes a step Mommy's lifeless on the floor Daddy takes a step Empty bottle crushed the vase Daddy takes a step Little eyes are slowly closing Daddy takes a step Begins to pray to Jesus Daddy takes a step Jesus, make him stop Daddy takes a step Make him go away Daddy takes a step She screams "I love you Daddy!" Daddy falls on his knees And never takes another step Better days are on the way, my friend, just a ways on down the line. I believe that just around the bend, everythings gonna be fine... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
i loved this so much...for me reading this a massive attack of disturbing images went through my head...heh I am buried up to my neck in Contradictionary flies I take pride as the kind of illiterature I'm very ape and very nice -Kurt Cobain |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Wow this was amazing!!!Where did you get the idea for it from??? It TaKeS a MiNuTe To LiKe SoMeOnE, aN hOuR tO hAvE a CrUsH oN sOmEoNe & A dAy To FaLl In LoVe, BuT iT tAkEs A lIfEtImE tO fOrGeT sOmEoNe. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I love the repition. In this poem it seems to be a haunting reminder of something bad. This was powerful reading, it's a wonderful poem. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You showed me this poem in a icq message, so maybe i was the first one to read it. You know my reply......"Gee"....haha....i liked it though, great job.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow...*dang* speechless...it's really good, powerful....keep it up |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow...*dang* speechless...it's really good, powerful....keep it up Bel |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
This poem was among my personal favorites!!!! It was brilliant, so captivating. You are very talented! I am among the others in awe, and the question in my mind, is where did this come from?!? Keep it up girl! Love Always ~*~Jessica~*~ ~*~sMiLe! It MaKeS yOuR bUtT ShInE~*~ |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Thank you everyone for your replies. I am happy to say that this did not come from experience, but unhappy to say that this is the story of someone extremely close to me. She was telling me the story of her abusive father and all I could do was cry...it really bites not being able to stop it...so I wrote her a poem... Better days are on the way, my friend, just a ways on down the line. I believe that just around the bend, everythings gonna be fine... |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
I'm sorry for your friend, i know how she hurts...this is a real crime... PS, where have ya been? Or where have i been? In-wishing-the-Everclear-song-called-"Father of Mine-didn't-hit-so-close-to-home THERE IS NO SPOON!(For your yogurt!) Spreading insanity, one post at a time "Way back in eighty-seven, where we bust rockstands till we get to heaven" |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Magnificent power... the style of it added to the impact a great deal. ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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