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Teen Poetry #3
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When I look
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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When I look |
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Caz Member
since 2000-09-13
Posts 133Concepción, Chile |
When I look When I look at you, I see a fighter, that deals the everyday with his lonely sword. When I look at you, I see a fugitive, that hides the truth inside of him. When I look at you, I see a fortress, that shows no despair. When I look at you, I see a prison When I look into your eyes, I see the need for companionship, that wrecks your lonely hearth. When I look into your eyes, I see the fear of rejection, that torments you so deeply in the gate of tomorrow. When I look into your eyes, I see the pain of loneliness, that hurts you so hard every night. When I look into your eyes, I see the mirror. Ok guys, this is my first poem, I hope you like it, and please feel free to make any comments and suggestions about it. I would really like that you help me with my poetry. Thanks It's been raining since you left me. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Caz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
Welcome my friend, to our humble online abode…Known as (Drum roll…) Passions! I am, Deranger, resident wacko and all-round nutcase. I must commend you one your first post, it’s taste of an excellence still developing, which is better than static greatness, for it’s is ever blooming into something more… As for advice to improve your poetry, I can grant none…For poetry is the ultimate expression of uniqueness, and it would not be my place to covet yours. You know what you like and what you don’t. In-wishing-I-were-less-creepy THERE IS NO SPOON! Spreading insanity, one post at a time Singing, "If i die before i wake..." |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions Caz! We are very happy you have decided to join our community of poetry friendship. We look forward to having you share your efforts with us and please keep in mind that we are very supportive of each other. The pleasure you receive from reading comments on your work is the same pleasure others need by receiving your comments on theirs. This is a rule that all poets here follow. We invite you to join the family! This is an excellent first post, very thought-provoking. I look forward to reading more of your poetry and your responses to our wonderful family of poets! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Virgin Suïcide Member
since 2000-08-11
Posts 319Netherlands |
beautiful first poem!!! "when I look into your eyes, I see the mirror" just great!! hope to read more of your work soon!! luvz, VS I dream about how it's gonna end Approaching me quickly Living a life of fear I only want my mind to be clear... ~*~silverchair, suicidal dream~*~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
 Welcome to Passions This was a really good first post. I really liked the end where we find out you're looking in the mirror. It seems you've been doing some looking at your life and you've written of it well. I can't wait to read more  |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
welcome to passions!!! great first post though i feel bad that you fell that way right now. Keep your head up keep writing As i wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey well i liked this poem. Just like everybody else did, i'd like to welcome you to this humble abode of knowledge.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Wow! What an impressive first post! Wayta come in with a bang! You've got my attention now, yes siree you do!  This was seriously a brilliant piece. I especially loved the last line...it really caught me off guard. Welcome to Passions! You'll be very happy here! Heh heh !  Much Love Kristin  ~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~ ~All that I have found in reason is reason just to not believe.~ |
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Caz Member
since 2000-09-13
Posts 133Concepción, Chile |
Thanks guys, it's really nice that people appreciate your work. I'm very shy, and I was really affraid about posting my poems here, but you guys are great. Thanks, you have encouraged me to keep writting and posting here. I hope to write better poems for all of you, thanks again. It's been raining since you left me. |
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emptyness Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95mobile,Ala,USA |
this is an excellent poem caz its good to have another poet in the forum welcome "scribere iussit amor" love commanded me to write "Cogito ergo sum"-I think, therefore I exist |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Welcome to passions!!!I hope that you enjoy it here... When I look at you, I see a prison What a choice of words...You made me think of someone while reading this...That I think could really be the same exact person...Same heartless person...But I highly doubt it... Except for the last line...That doesnt portray this person or anyone I know.. Keep up the good work...Hope to see more by you soon...< !signature--> *Falling in love is when you give someone a piece of your heart, falling out of love is when the piece doesnt fit* [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 09-19-2000).] |
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