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Teen Poetry #3
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Deathtrap.
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Deathtrap. |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa 
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Wild like the wind, a spirit so free, there were nothing in this world that you couldn’t be. But sorrow came along and stole your will away, trapped in pain’s jaws you couldn’t find your way. A spirit once truthful, a spirit once fair, brutally murdered by the need to not care. A spirit broken, bleeding on the floor, a spirit that was, but isn’t anymore. Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets tr |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I think this poem is very well written. I liked it a lot. The message, the ryhme scheme, and just the whole poem in general.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
Not only the structure of this poem is great..but the ATMOSPHERE..which your rhyming creates..the end two lines are so sad though...  Keep posting TearsOfPearls..  "Controlling my feelings for too long.... And forcing our darkest souls to unfold... And pushing us into self-destruction...." *~Muse*~ |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa |
Thanks Dopey and Lani. I myself feel this is one of my better poems, worth calling poem. You can say I kinda wrote it about a friend, but not totally about her, after she slit her wrists. It's about suicide, but killing the inner you. Once again, thanks! Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets tr |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Tears~~~This was amazing!!!2 thumbs up for you... a spirit that was, but isn’t anymore A wonderful choice of words...Keep it up!!! ~*If I was to die & could be 1 thing I would be a tear born in your eyes live on your cheeks and die on your lips*~ |
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