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Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2000-09-14 03:55 PM


This poem is not the best. You don't want my opinion on this poem, i'm not here to give it to you. Anyway.......I'm posting it cuz i don't need all the "ok ones" in one day.....soon enuff. But for now, this one is fine enuff for the purpose.

Defend Yourself:


Do you ever see the world
In the eyes of the weak?
And do you ever wipe the tears
Off your solemn cheek?
I don't know where it went.
I don't know what to do.
I'm living while dying.
Yes, it's true.

I'm running away from my heart.
I'm headed for the end.
I'm trapped in a corner
Trying to defend
Myself,
From me
From me





I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.


© Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved
HaVoK
Junior Member
since 2000-09-06
Posts 31
DETROIT, MI
1 posted 2000-09-14 03:58 PM


That's tight...E.I.
If that's "OK" than I don't think I want to see the "GOOD" ones...
I might have to take a break to change my underwear...lol


_.~'"'~._HaVoK_.~'"'~._
It's better to burn-out
Than fade away.......


Virgin Suïcide
Member
since 2000-08-11
Posts 319
Netherlands
2 posted 2000-09-14 04:15 PM


dieuwdiedieuw....still happy.....but wnated to say that your poems ARE GOOD!!!!!!!!!
dammit!!!!

luvz, VS!

I dream about how it's gonna end
Approaching me quickly
Living a life of fear
I only want my mind to be clear...
~*~silverchair, suicidal dream~*~

Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
3 posted 2000-09-14 04:24 PM


Damn Dopey if you say this is ok I want to see your best poem...This is really good!!!Actually its like perfect...Keep it up!!!

~*If I was to die & could be 1 thing I would be a tear born in your eyes live on your cheeks and die on your lips*~

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
4 posted 2000-09-14 07:31 PM


Well done Javier! I like the emotion pulled from the depths in this piece. Anxiety and turmoil rolled within these words ... excellent expression!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Jose Marti
Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374
washing DC
5 posted 2000-09-14 10:40 PM


damn Javier, I'm impressed
I like this 4th wave of your's it shows that you've been writing a long time
A lo mejor te deben publiquar a ti caballero

Kandi
Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354
North of Hell
6 posted 2000-09-14 11:25 PM


Don't try to downplay your work...we're not falling for it lol   This was really great! I really admire your way with words. Keep writing!
~Kristin~


~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~

~*When does something that you thought was so right slap you in the face and becom

MoonPrincess
Junior Member
since 2000-07-17
Posts 29
Wisconsin, USA
7 posted 2000-09-15 07:21 AM


Dopey~
Whether you think so or not, this poem is wonderful...  You have such a way with words, and when other people feel the same way, and you write something like this, it puts things into perspective for those others... good work...
~Kristi Lynn


"Love begins with a smile,
grows with a kiss,
and ends with a tear."

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
8 posted 2000-09-15 08:30 AM


Hey wassup? If this is good in your eyes, you must have some really high standards or somethin. Damn. I like this one though. What is good to you? I'd like to know. Forks,spoons, and knives all the way!!! Love ya, Allysa

Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
9 posted 2000-09-16 02:22 AM


I have EXTREME standards. I am talking EXTREME. So far, every single poem that I have written i can find something wrong with it. Thing is, I have realized that A LOT of poets write first drafts, and then revise the poem, and make a final draft, and maybe correct it later. I just wing it. Whatever comes on the paper comes. I CANNOT correct anything except for spelling and grammatical errors. If i change something within the poem, then I am not fully portraying what I felt at the moment. I mean, if the wording is all messed up that's ok cuz i was probably so messed up that's how it came across. So you see, in my eyes a lot of the work is crap. Ok, plus i compare myself to my one and only idol. I try not to idolize a person but it's very hard to when you like everything this person stands for and does. Billy Corgan, lead singer of the smashing pumpkins. His writing style is AMAZING. I try and mimick him and so on. I will consider myself a good writer when I am like him. So yea hahaha I do have high standards, but i do love the compliments. Helps me write more!


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