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Teen Poetry #3
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something different...
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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something different... |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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All right people, well I don't know if this is really poetry or not..to me poetry is an expression of one's emotion. This is just that. So I understand if you are angry with me for posting this here... The knife of silence pierces my ears. I am tossed carelessly into the abyss. Nothingness. Nothingness is what I touch; what I see. Nothingness is what I taste. How bitter the flavor of nothing seems...My rag doll body is hurled into millions of directions. The tension my bones are suffering fails to cease, yet I feel no pain. I die, i ressurect, I die again. I can not endure this pain any longer... I snap back into consiousness. My mind is racing, my heart pounding. The muscles in my body suddenly throb with pain. Give me back my nothingness! I cry. Or so I imagine. No sound escapes from my frozen lips. My eyelids crack when I try frantically to open them. At last my right eye lets go of its hold and opens oh so slightly. I can view a valley...a forest...I notice that I lie on the ledge of a monsterous cliff. In fear I try to move away, move closer to the safe interior of the cliff. My body does not obey...it begins to twitch spastically... I inch dangerously close to my doom..... Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ooooooo hehehe i likes. Its like your headed for your death even tho you dont wanna. Very negative, bad bad vibez within the poem, but thats the point. I liked it. I dont much care if its written in prose. Hope nobody does either.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
I would not be angry Carly, and it could be considered prose, however, if you break your lines, I think what you've written is some fantastic poetic free verse. Wonderful excitement and build-up of anticipation. I've changed nothing below, merely formatted it to show you what I mean ... keep it up!  /Kit The knife of silence pierces my ears; I am tossed carelessly into the abyss … nothingness. Nothingness is what I touch; what I see; Nothingness is what I taste; How bitter the flavor of nothing seems. My rag doll body is hurled into millions of directions; The tension my bones are suffering fails to cease, yet I feel no pain; I die, I resurrect … I die again. I can not endure this pain any longer … I snap back into consciousness; My mind is racing, my heart pounding; The muscles in my body suddenly throb with pain. "Give me back my nothingness!" I cry … or so I imagine; No sound escapes from my frozen lips. My eyelids crack when I try frantically to open them; At last my right eye lets go of its hold and opens oh so slightly. I can view a valley ...a forest ... I notice that I lie on the ledge of a monstrous cliff; In fear I try to move away, move closer to the safe interior of the cliff; My body does not obey ... it begins to twitch spastically ... I inch dangerously close to my doom ..... |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Child~~~I dont know why you think anyone would be angry at you for posting it here...This is a forum where we teens post poetry about life being a teen...This was good...But I do think that you should write it in a different way...Like the example that Kit showed...I had trouble reading it the way it was...I was thinking I was going to the next line but really I was just reading that same line over...LOL I couldnt believe I was doing that... ~*YoU cAn CoMpLaIn CuZ rOsEs HaVe ThOrNs Or ReJoIcE cUz ThOrNs HaVe RoSeS*~ |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey thanks everyone!! Kit, I took your advice and changed the format. The reason it wasn't in typical 'poem' format was cuz I was mad and when I'm mad all I do is write, there's no method to my madness. Then when I calm down I usually reformat what I've written if I feel it is worthy. I just didn't know how to do it for this one. Thankies so muchies!! Oh yeah and I've got this paranoia thing goin on about making people mad so don't mind me. ~Carlyannabanana Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. |
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