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Teen Poetry #3
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The Insomniac's Torture
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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The Insomniac's Torture |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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I wrote this during a thumderstorm.... Enjoy... I sit, so still there in my bed Thoughts of fear racing through my head Nightmares making me wish I was dead I scream, but no one hears me... Shivers go up my spine in fright Tossing and turning all through the night If only you could make things right And tame the monsters that I see... These beasts, they come up through the floor Through the walls and my locked door, "Please, go away! Haunt me no more!" And yet they stay, ignoring my plea... They stop their moans; I hear the rain Every drop makes me wince in pain It begins to drive me insane Out jumps my heart, as crashes the tree... Then all is quiet, deathly still Just as a lion before the kill I shut my eyes, the fear does fill And I am left alone to flee. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I like the ryhme scheme. Very nice. uHhhh.... i don't see how i can critic this poem to make it better. It works well for me. You asked to make it better or something but it's just perfect the way it is..keep it up mamasita hehe  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey thanks Dopey. I hope you are not the only person to view this poem!! Thanks again. ~Carly |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent Carly! You've filled me with a haunting chill, as if I were experiencing this myself ... a wonderful talent. Very descriptive, and nicely done!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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