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Teen Poetry #3
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What
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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What |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ 
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~*~What~*~ What comes up, must always go down. Even if its a smile, that turns into a frown. What shines so bright, may never fade. Almost like a star, hiding in the shade. What looks so good, but goes bad in the end. Is just like a relationship, that turns out to be just friends. What breaks into two, just like a heart. Putting back together the pieces, for a brand new start. What is so precious, like the gift of love. Is God sending sweetness, from up above. ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Erin Erbs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
That;s soo cute...and very witty i must say! Keep writing....can't live without it! Salma PS ICQ me when you get a chance....27299828  |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
salma~~~thanks for the reply i really appreciate it...ohh and i tried that icq thing already with you a little bit ago but i dont think it worked...but ill try again!!! ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
i already added you on my contact list....if you go on icq u'll see. |
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ShUgArHiGh Junior Member
since 2000-08-24
Posts 24 |
This was a very good poem and has a lotta truth in it! I liked it a lot!!! |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
salma~~~i dont know how to use it...send me an e-mail telling me how to do it please!!! shugar~~~thanks for your reply i really appreciate it!!! ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
email sent |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Wow Erin! You are such a talented person! Your words are so intriguing and all so true! Keep it up girl! This is the stuff that makes me proud!! Love Always~*~Jess~*~~*~Why is it that love always starts with a HuG grows with a kIsS and ends with a TeAr?!?~*~ |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"What is so precious, like the gift of love. Is God sending sweetness, from up above." Such words of beauty and truth, my friend... thank you for sharing them with us. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Hey babe! Aww this was so cute. One of my fav's now!! Keep up the great work~!*DQ*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
thank you guys for all the replies...they really mean alot to me...  ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Such a beautful piece. I liked the form and how it flowed very well. You did a very great job at making it rhyme. Props to you and keep up the great work! Love, ~Jeremy~ "I will know where I'm headed, 'cause I'm so tired of the suffering, I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection." ~DMX~ "Prayer III" |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This is a great poem, very well written! Thanks for the chance to read it [This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 08-27-2000).] |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
thank you guys for the replies...they really mean alot to me...im glad that yous liked it... ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa |
Hi Erin! This is a very nice and sweet poem...keep up the creativity Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets tr |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Tears~~~thanks for the reply...im glad that you liked it... ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
Erin..this is so SWEET..but also has alot of truth in it..enjoyed reading it "Controlling my feelings for too long.... And forcing our darkest souls to unfold... And pushing us into self-destruction...." *~Muse*~ |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I would like to be....uh...oh, sorry..I was singing again..my bad...anywho..admirable poem here. The idea was beautiful and you put it together nicely. Jeremy "Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade." |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Lani~~~Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it... Jeremy~~~Awwww im you hero???LOL You are funny...You always have a new way to make me smile... And im glad that I have you as my friend!!!Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it!!!  < !signature-->~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 08-30-2000).] |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
I love doing this to people. Just when you think that you are going to be through reading and replying to replies, you get another one. But anyway, this really is an excellent poem. Your poetry is some of what I missed most while I was away. Keep it up dude!! jason  Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Jason~~~Are you trying to torture me on purpose by doing this???You think your funny???haha Well your not!!!LOL Thanks for the reply...I really appreciate it...p.s.~~~Do you think i am a boy???Dont call me dude I dont like that word!!! < !signature--> ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 08-31-2000).] |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
now I like this one a lot. One note, just me being the style editor that I'm payed to be, I think that in the line "that turns out to be just friends" it might work, feel, sound better as "jade" rather than "friends" while both make sense, I'm just always an editor in the heart (as well as many other things). that is JUST my opinion though, nothing else to it. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice From what I've tasted of desi |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Dragon~~~What does jade mean???How would I use it in the sentence???I dont mind "your opinion" as you put it...Getting other opinions help...Thanks for the reply!!!  ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
awwww, that's sweet. Hmmm.... I dun have anyone right now, but . . . I've got a date friday, so, we'll see ~_~ *loves having conversations inside the posts* heheheheh "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice From what I've tasted of desi |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
let me first note that my mind seems to be slipping and somehow I posted a reply to your reply for that other poem on this one, which just seems, odd. But it's 12:35 so I guess I have an excuse. Somewhat. Anyway, jade would be refering to jaded. Some one who is jaded is often more self centerd, they want what they want and are not often willing to work for it. If they have to they may hurt someone who gets in the way of what they want. In a normal sentance you wouldn't use just "jade" but rather jaded. However in poetry actual sentences are not always needed, and playing around with syntax and structure is always fun, and you can make your poetry flow better by doing so. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice From what I've tasted of desi |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
~_~ forgot to mention that if used in the context that I was refering to (using "jade" rather than "friends") then it would be comparing the relationship to something that you can't get anything out of that is needed/wanted, or if you do it often costs you. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice From what I've tasted of desi |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Hey ERIN I like this one. So true, so true. What's up? (thinking, but can't think up much else to say) Anyhow, I enjoy reading your poems, esp. this one, so see u. ~Allysa~ Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
very true Erin!!! Don't you just wonder why it has to be that way? But, that's part of life i guess...if there's no bad then there's no good. Love to read your other poems. And by the way, thanks for your offer in my last posted poem. I'd love to talk As i wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
O.K. well I'm doing it again. No I don't thank your a guy, I just say dude alot. Sorry if I offended you, I'll keep that in mind for furthur referance. Have fun you... person you. jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Well I didnt expect to have all these conversations started in my replies but thats ok!!!  Allysa~~~Thanks for the reply!!!I really do appreciate it!!! acire~~~Well thank you for your reply!!!Sometimes I do wonder why it goes that way... Jason~~~Im gonna kick your butt...you ummm...ummmm...I dont know what to call you...LOL Dragon~~~Thank you very much for trying to help me!!! ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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