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Teen Poetry #3
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Cant think of a title
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Cant think of a title |
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Wicced_Witch Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110Clarksville, TN, USA |
Flowing like the river's water, My love pours out for you. Heart beating so rapidly, For you share my feelings too. How can you make me so nervous, As you look into my eyes. THe smallest things mean so much, And everything seems right. We hold each other closely, Our hearts beating in tune. Emotion surrounding our bodies, While we lay beneath the moon. Nothing has been more perfect. No one has touched my soul. Then you pooped into my life, And now play an important role. I'm drowning in these feelings, That I have never had before. If you promise no to leave me, I will never yearn for more. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stephanie Elliott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
For a title, consider something like "For You", "Emotions Released", or "Drowning". This part is soo soo soo soo good, its unbelievable: "We hold each other closely, Our hearts beating in tune. Emotion surrounding our bodies, While we lay beneath the moon." You cant get any better than that! Love, ,._-=-~^* Jeremy *^~-=-_., "I will know where I'm headed, cause I'm so tired of the suffering I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection" ~DMX~ "Prayer III" |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This flowed great, I really enjoyed it. Very well done  |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Absolutely gorgeous words here! As for a title, "Drowning in You" perhaps? Anyways, wonderful work!  *Krista Knutson* "You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." -Barbara DeAngelis |
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TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Hate to be the one to state the obviuos, but how about " With you beneath the moon "? Just a thought. Beautiful poem by the way. Your feelings are expressed exquisitely in every line. Thomas |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
very nice....flows smoothly and in perfect rhyme....for title i'd suggest "Hearts in Tune" or "Our Hearts in Tune" I guess I just liked that part a lot! salooma |
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