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Teen Poetry #3
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Untitled (PLEASE READ)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Untitled (PLEASE READ) |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Sandy footprints at the door. Broken seashells across the floor. Waves outside continue churning. a pain in your heart keeps burning. two souls, decending to be one. untill that it, your time is done. untill you leave, the sand and shore. And never go back, forever more. ---------------------------------------------------- Hey hope you liked it. I'm just eating and writing. I'll be here all day. Allysa Now follow me and do exactly what you see. Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me? ~Eminem~ (Role Model) It's rock bottom. when life mak |
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| © Copyright 2000 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
That was incredible, flowed very well with the style you used, the part "untill you leave, the sand and shore. And never go back, forever more." gives a powerful ending, Ill be looking forward to more lines of brilliance! Love, ,._-=-~^* Jeremy *^~-=-_., |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Ah, very well done here Allysa! I really like this, it's got a good flow  |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thanks for replying. It means a lot to me cause no one at my school likes to read my poems. Any title suggestions anybody? I can't think of one. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I'm sorry I don't have any title ideas Allysa but I do want to compliment you on what a wonderful poem this is.  It had a great flow and although short it said a lot. Lovin' the imagery aswell. Angel I wish you could hear the child that cries in my flesh and makes my bones ache -Jewel ~*Angel of Darkness*~ |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
allysa~~~this poem is just perfect...it reminds me of when i was little...when we used to go on vacation to my gradmas (she lived in Alabama right on the gulf). you are bring back memories...i dont have an clue on what to call it though... ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
This was beautiful! Flowed so nicely. IT was really refreshing Keep up the great work!!~!*DQ*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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