Lost Time (please reply I need help on this!)

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Teen Poetry #3

Lost Time (please reply I need help on this!)

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

0 posted 2000-08-15 07:16 PM

Lost Time

With the next two months,
many tests may come our way.
If we try hard we can make it
and remember not to fake it.
Soon will come the brighter day.

Hard though it may be,
do know that I will miss you.
Time to talk, hard to find
but you will be in my mind.
I’ll be dying just to kiss you!

Have patience and trust,
as the season passes by.
At it’s end there will be
a stronger “you and me,”
making up for autumns lost time

Please help me on this! I can't decided if I like it or not... there are some parts of it that I think don't flow well, so if anybody has any suggestions PLEASE give them to me ASAP I need this perfected by Friday! Thanx!

Salooma
Senior Member

since 2000-01-28

Posts 781

1 posted 2000-08-16 01:33 AM

Well this was pretty good, but you asked for suggestions so here are mine (remember that they are suggestions...u decide if u like em or not):

With these next two months,
Many tests may come our way.
If we try hard we shall be true,
And find within us a brighter day,
Where once we stood together.

Hard and tough it may be,
Do know you I'll truely miss.
Time to talk, so hard to find,
But at night there will be your kiss,
Reminding me of your pleasent touch.

Have patience and trust,
As the season passes by.
And at it’s end there will be,
A stronger “You and I,”
Making up for autumn's lost time.

Good luck...sorry if i couldn't help much

Salooma

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-08-16 07:14 AM

Suga-Baby ... this is great, but if you want some suggestions, we have a new Forum that would be perfect for this! It's called "Teen Explorer" ... here's the link, and have a read, then post this same poem there for Craig and Poet deVine to offer some suggestion! Have fun ... they're great!

/pip/Forum36/HTML/001065.html

Best wishes,
/Kit

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2000-08-16 10:26 AM

The poem is great as it is. Try to understand that a poem doesn't flow thru it's rhymes, a poem flows thru the writers emotions and feelings at that time. And when we read it, that's the challenge for us. We have to figure out your feelings at that time. Well, at least I look at a poem that way. No suggestions for it is good as it is

As i wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

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