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Teen Poetry #3
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Mom why do you make me cry?
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Mom why do you make me cry? |
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Godslilangel New Member
since 2000-08-11
Posts 3 |
Mom why do you make me cry Mom why do make me cry, you know how much I love you. When you make me cry sometimes I just want to die. Your killing me inside you treat me like I am a stepchild but yet you say you love me, but how can you. You treat me like I'm always doing something wrong yet you say you love me but then why do you always make me cry? You always say I love you but then why do you make me feel like I'm nothing? So how can you love me because if you did you wouldn't make me cry! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Godslilangel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Godslilangel New Member
since 2000-08-11
Posts 3 |
this is a sucky poem sorry peeps but i just had a blank and im like really mad at my mom rite now so whatever! |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
It isn't all that sucky really. It needs to be polished a little and I can help you with that if you wish. I'll give you an example of what I mean. EG: Mom why do make me cry? You know how much I love you. When you make me cry, Sometimes I just want to die. Your killing me inside, You treat me like I am a stepchild, But yet..... you say you love me... How can you? You treat me like I'm always...... Doing something wrong! Yet you say you love me? But then why do you always make me cry? You always say I love you but....... You make me feel like I'm nothing. So how can you love me? When you make me cry. Do you see what I mean? I made a few minor changes but mostly kept your orginal work but spaced it differently. Welcome to Passions!!  When you are old and grey and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shodows deep; How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face... William Butler Yeats |
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Lovely_Kris Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176 |
welcome I hope you enjoy it here. I realy enjoy it here. I'm sorry you have so much pain. well I hope to read more of your work. Lovely_Kris |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
welcome to passions!! this wasn't sucky at all, but i agree did need the spacing to create a beautiful poem. very nicely writ with much emotion poured into it! hope to see more of your work here, you'll see that with time, it'll all come together!! salooma |
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MelissaL Junior Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 22Joshua Tree, CA, US |
i agree with everyone else...great poem!  |
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