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Loser!!!!
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Loser!!!! |
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GodsPerfktAngel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 28Ohio |
You said we were over,you said we were through So why do you want me back,now that I am seeing someone new? You said you dont love me,and you told me not to call But you cant stand it to see me and him together at all You said we cant be together we dont have a chance So why do you keep falling for me at every little glance? You said its all a game and we have told too many lies But you always throw a fit when you see me hangin with other guys You said our love wasnt going on the right track SO WHY THE HACK DO YOU WANT ME BACK?! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jocelyn Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SweetPoet17 Member
since 2000-08-04
Posts 108 |
GREAT POEM! -JESSICA- |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
I can SO relate to this! *LOL* Way to put it into words, keep up the good work  |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
The emotions in this piece are very strong. That is very good. The rythum of the piece breaks from time to time though, which takes some of the power from the words. I'll give you an example of what I mean.EG: You said we were over, You said we were through. So why do you want me, I'm seeing someone new? You said you don't love me, And said not to call. But you can't stand to see me, With him at all. You said we can't be together, We don't have a chance. So why do you keep falling, At every little glance? Do you see what I mean?? When you are old and grey and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shodows deep; How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face... William Butler Yeats |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Jealousy can get the best of us, give him some time, i wish the best to your new one, hope everything stays true. ,._-=-~^* Jeremy *^~-=-_., |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
I'm so glad to hear you dropped this LOSER and are moving on! what a great start! It's too bad that this loser had to lose you to another guy before he could realize how much he does care. Unless he just doesn't want someone else to have you...then he's just plain DUMB!! anyways...great poem and best of luck to you and the new guy!! Keep it up! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~ ~*~Why is it that love always starts with a hug, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear?~*~ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Hey* Don't you just hate it when that happens?? LOL Sometimes guys are so confusing. Can't live with them can't live without them huh. Glad you ditched the loser and found someone that respects you! Keep up the great work.. ~!*DQ*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Virgin Suïcide Member
since 2000-08-11
Posts 319Netherlands |
One hell of a job to dump this guy!!! You go girl!! Love, Virgin Suïcide... And I shall not rest, til I get my loved ones back.......... |
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Virgin Suïcide Member
since 2000-08-11
Posts 319Netherlands |
One hell of a job to dump this guy!!! You go girl!! Love, Virgin Suïcide... And I shall not rest, til I get my loved ones back.......... |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Men are wierd, but I hate to admit this, but if a guy I no longer wanted to be with found someone new before me, esp. one of my friends I would freak a little. In some aspects, I'm such a guy. Jenn |
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!!! Member
since 2000-08-12
Posts 137VA (U.S.A) |
I liked reading this poem. I think it was well-worded, and i can visualize what happened. Great job! |
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
sooooo typical is that situation..I think I should seriously tell my friend about your poem b/c it was great...and welcome to passions you'll love it here "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- me |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Great poem, a true show of emotions. I have to agree with Jenn, guys are wierd, but being one, I can't say that often Keep writing! |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
  great poem been there far too many times myself definatly don't go back to that loser he just wants you cause he knows he cant have you guys like a challenge dont fall for his foolish game [This message has been edited by qtpieelmo (edited 08-13-2000).] |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
This was very nice.....I must and have to say. You had some powerful lines in there, but I do agree with Marilyn on the short form lines in poems, I think that would make the words stand out more, but you've got some grand emotion in this...very nice!! Salooma |
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Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
I laugh when I read this poem b/c I too have been there. Guys are so confusing!!! Anyway, great poem, though I do agree with Marilyn about the shorter lines. Great post! Crystal |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I guess people just don't realize what they had until they've lost it. Girls too are confusing you know. Great expression of your emotions. Keep writing As i wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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GodsPerfktAngel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 28Ohio |
thanks for writing back everyone I really appreciate it! I also agree with the shorter lines and thank you for that comment.Please keep reading my work and give me all of your opinions!!! thanks so much! Jocelyn M. Cosgray ~*you cannot hold back a laugh any more than you can a tide,both are forces of nature*~ ~*God gives everybird his wor |
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MoonPrincess Junior Member
since 2000-07-17
Posts 29Wisconsin, USA |
Hey I like this and totally agree with what you're saying... I know where your coming from... Great poem... "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear." |
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