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Teen Poetry #3
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Sonnet #1
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Sonnet #1 |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Sonnet #1 Do my heated words strike your heart as vile? Or are they the truth you wish not to bare? Have they lit the flame of rage in beguile? And will they make your veins urge to reach air? Do they cause your blood to stir and mangle? Or do they feed your mind, tainted madness? Have they turned unsaid words into tangle? And brought your soul to heavenly sadness? All I meant to tell you is my story. Never did I mean to say more or less. I do not intend to be too gory. Life is already too much of a mess. Sorry for the pain and hurt caused dear saint. Sorry for all the troubles you have gained. My first atempt at a sonnet....what do you guys think? [This message has been edited by Ron (06-25-2011 10:09 AM).] |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Definately don't let this be your last sonnet. This is great! I'm very impressed, I know how hard it is to make a structured poem flow naturally. Great job babe! *~Meredith~* If I were the sun, You would be in shadow And if I had a gun, There'd be no tomorrow *BNL |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Very good. You should write more of these. good job Bel |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
WoW* I'm at a loss for words lol thats a first =) This was great..and i know how hard they are to write because we had to write one, or attempt to, in my English class last year. Well done! Keep writing.. ~!*DancinQueen*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Thanks a bunch you guys....I hope it made some sense. I've got another one written down somewhere. Hopefully i'll post that one too. Salooma |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
 girl i am impressed!!!  i give you props for this...  you did a good job...  keep up the good work...  < !signature--> ~No one is worth your tears, and the one who is wont make you cry~ ~We all cant be stars but we all can twinkle~ [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 08-07-2000).] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Awesome job, couldnt have been better. Ive read #2 so now Im looking forward to #3! Keep'em coming. Love, ,.-=-*^~ Jeremy ~^*-=-., |
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AndrewDL Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 24California |
I thought that what you had to say in the poem was great and that the message conveyed was meaningful. Now, I'm not meaning to offend you here, but in calling it a sonnet, I was a little surprised not to find meter in the poem(iambic pentameter for a sonnet). I hope that I haven't offended you any, as a sonnet is very hard to write, but because I value form in poetry and a sonnet is based on form, I just had to bring it up. It was a great attempt though, and I'm sure it will evolve into a beautiful poem- meter and all  , as your abilities advance throughout time. No hard feelings, right? Please send me an email if you see fit.-Andrew Trust too much, and you may be deceived, but trust too little and you will live in torment forever. |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Erin - Thanks so much babe for all the kind words....  J - Told ya I'd do that! Thanks I hope to work on some more....AndrewDL - Thanks for pointing all that out, I mean it's understandable and I knew it wouldn't be a great sonnet cause it's just my first one....I'm still learning it step by step and it was my attempt you see...but I understand what you mean, it is not an actual sonnet without the iambic peremeter. I hope to work on one that does follow that and if you have any tips for me...please email them to me...thanks! Def, no hard feelings |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
wow Salooma. nice poem. I don't know where I was that I missed this poem when it was originally posted. I have never tried a sonnet. You must have some skills to be able to do that. |
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